The Constant Gardener

DIAPERED

DANE

DISCOVERS

DANGEROUSLY

DELICIOUS

HORTICULTURE

DELIGHTS

DAZZLING!

Gardening, and other life threatening activities

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SHOCKING DESCRIPTIONS OF INSECTS AND OTHER NASTY THINGS THAT LIVE OUTSIDE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

One unholy spider (cousin of the beast under my deck) with a web attached from bean plant to fence, dozens of daddy long legs taking residence in said bean plants, bird intestines strewn about the patio, and long grass that repeatedly brushed on my legs, felt like hair spider toes, and made me writhe.

Just another day of gardening.

So, our pole beans are insane. They are a life force of their own. They have busted the rods they were growing around, infiltrated the cucumbers, and grown into the lawn. They are producing green beans to feed a whole potluck worth of people. Yet, they are tricky. They hide, covered by leaves, masquerading as mere shrubbery (bring me your shrubbery!). You have to plunge your hands into all this flora to find them, it's dark and dank and oh, what was that brushing my hand? A leaf? A flower? A woman eating beastly lawn creature? Makes me itch just thinking about it. I have seen too many living organisms in that patch of bean insanity to enjoy harvest anymore. Anyone ever seen "Little Shop of Horrors?" You know what I mean.

The cats like to kill birds and then create art work from their entrails. Enough said.

I walked into the web of another FREAKING HUGE SCARY AWFUL FLESH DEVOURING spider that since Sunday has made a quaint home for itself between the fence and my plants. I literally walked into the web and it didn't break. It's made of the stuff Wolverine's claws are made of. You know, titanium steel xyrozenokenokryptonite. And that spider just lurks there, daring me to move around its web lest it land in my hair and end my life.

If you dare to face the terror of the Jones garden come help yourself. The beans are up for grabs.

p.s. Who knows what movie "bring me your shrubbery" is from?

Zucchini School Drop out

You may remember (or if you don't, take a peek at this link http://www.sarassmile.net/2009/05/mary-mary-quite-contrary-how-does-your.html ) that we planted ourselves a garden this year. I envisioned salsa made fresh from my garden, sweet peas and carrots for lunch, and so many green beans I would be forced to can, freeze, give away, and squander their bounty.

Some of this is true. The peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and jalapeno peppers get an "A" for exceptional growth and good listening skills. The beans, while late bloomers, should render me almost what I was hoping for. The bell peppers are a total flop. But the zucchini plants...

I don't know what's wrong with them. By that I mean I go out, am disappointed in their results, and walk away. I haven't consulted anyone or any resource as to why they are flopping. I'm a new gardener, remember? And a lazy one too.

The plant itself is barely pulling a "C" grade. It's small for a squash plant but looks healthy. The problem is in food production. I get beautiful flowers and about half the time that's all they do. Flower and no zucchini. Is this a pollination problem? Do they all do this? Who knows?

The real problem occurs when zucchini do start to grow. They look great, grow about four inches, turn yellow, shrivel, and fall off the plant. At this point their only use is for Dane to carry them around, alternatively poking and flinging them. We have had two reach an eatable size but the rest die long before then. What's the deal? Right now I have five little baby ones on there and I get so excited and the kids get so excited and I think about getting to give a zucchini to the new neighbors and two days later they are lying on the ground, ready to be used as Danish weapons. Does anyone out there have a suggestion for the "F" zucchinis??



New blog related stuff: I hired a gal to do a bunch of fancy stuff to my blog. I can't wait! I don't know how long it will take but everything I've seen of hers is great so I'm excited.

Also, I have a new domain name. It's www.sarassmile.net. (Please note the two "s" in the middle of the name.) It won't be up for 2-3 days and my old domain address will link to the new one so you can still use www.gregsarajones.blogspot.com.

I need a new camera. I am missing mine and need pictures for this blog. I'm trying to decide between a point and shoot or a fancier SLR. Any thoughts?

Motherhood calls.