Gardening, and other life threatening activities

WARNING: THIS POST CONTAINS SHOCKING DESCRIPTIONS OF INSECTS AND OTHER NASTY THINGS THAT LIVE OUTSIDE. READ AT YOUR OWN RISK.

One unholy spider (cousin of the beast under my deck) with a web attached from bean plant to fence, dozens of daddy long legs taking residence in said bean plants, bird intestines strewn about the patio, and long grass that repeatedly brushed on my legs, felt like hair spider toes, and made me writhe.

Just another day of gardening.

So, our pole beans are insane. They are a life force of their own. They have busted the rods they were growing around, infiltrated the cucumbers, and grown into the lawn. They are producing green beans to feed a whole potluck worth of people. Yet, they are tricky. They hide, covered by leaves, masquerading as mere shrubbery (bring me your shrubbery!). You have to plunge your hands into all this flora to find them, it's dark and dank and oh, what was that brushing my hand? A leaf? A flower? A woman eating beastly lawn creature? Makes me itch just thinking about it. I have seen too many living organisms in that patch of bean insanity to enjoy harvest anymore. Anyone ever seen "Little Shop of Horrors?" You know what I mean.

The cats like to kill birds and then create art work from their entrails. Enough said.

I walked into the web of another FREAKING HUGE SCARY AWFUL FLESH DEVOURING spider that since Sunday has made a quaint home for itself between the fence and my plants. I literally walked into the web and it didn't break. It's made of the stuff Wolverine's claws are made of. You know, titanium steel xyrozenokenokryptonite. And that spider just lurks there, daring me to move around its web lest it land in my hair and end my life.

If you dare to face the terror of the Jones garden come help yourself. The beans are up for grabs.

p.s. Who knows what movie "bring me your shrubbery" is from?