You are still a baby until you learn to walk

Our sweet JoJo Beans, Johannanana, Jo, Johanninani, JuJuBe, JOHANNA, turned one yesterday. She earned herself four demerits for growing up so darn fast. And then gained them back again when she spent the entire day looking ridiculously adorable.

Short of her Aunt Hannah and Uncle Jason, Johanna's entire family on both sides was here to see her eat her first piece of cake and watch her wide eyes as everyone sang her happy birthday. She was a magnificent birthday girl, basking in the attention and rewarding everyone with crinkle nosed smiles. I am floored to think that my baby, MY BABY BABY, is one year old. She is such a beautiful little blessing and sometimes I think I might just dunk her in chocolate, spray on the whip cream, and eat her up she's so sweet. Our family wasn't complete until Princess Pampers came along. Johanna, you are loved beyond your understanding. And aren't allowed to grow a single centimeter more.










Let me tell you something Johanna. Just because you turned one doesn't mean you aren't my baby. Heck, from what I can tell you have signed yourself up to be MY baby for life. So there.

When a man loves his daughter

I don't cry over everything. But that little Aubrey girl has done me in. I have cried more than once this week about how big she is getting. And these pictures of her and her daddy prepping or the Father/Daughter dance? You get bet your butt I cried over these.










(What would actually happen if you bet your butt and lost? Would that even be a bad thing?)

Dane's hilarious melt down

Today Dane didn't nap. Dane is 3 1/2 and REQUIRES a nap. He didn't nap because at nap time he and Nathan were playing super heroes together and when I said it was nap time Nathan looked at me with trembling lips and tearful eyes and said, "Mama, can Dane please rest with me? He is my brother and I want him to be with me." Frankly, I was powerless to do anything but let them "rest" (let's use that word very loosely) together after that heartfelt speech. I might have even given them each a treat just for being precious.

Tonight however Dane was a hot mess. (The term "hot mess" comes from a hilarious friend. You know who you are!) He was weepy. He was irrational. He was flushed and droopy eyed and taking to random fits of quiet sobbing. So deep was his despair that Greg and I couldn't do anything but laugh at his misery. As we put him to bed he lost it completely and made the following wailing proclamations:

"MY BED IS SO BORING! (SOB.) I LIKED IT YESTERDAY BUT TODAY IT IS BORING AND I WANT IT TO NOT BE BORING!"

"There is something wet on my pillow! It might be drool!! (Greg flips his pillow, a vision of fatherly patience.) OH MAN, it's wet again! Daddy, it is the wet things sliding down my face that are making it wet. WHERE IS THE DRY SIDE?!?!?!"

"i ONLY WANT TWO BLANKETS! OH MAN, THEY ARE SCRIBBLY!! (I take one blanket away.) WHY DID YOU TAKE MY BLANKET, WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME COLD???"

"Daddy, will you read another story?" (Greg says no, it is way too late. He deduced this since Dane was asking this while lying on the floor, flapping his arms and crying.) "OH MAN, but I need another story so that I won't forget the story!!"

At this point Aubrey lost it and shouted, "Why are you such a whinie??" Dane screamed, "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!"

One second later he was asleep.

Optimus Prime turns five

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to announce that Nathan Paul Jones is now five years old. This means that he can stand on his head, walk around without a shirt on, make Aubrey whine with uncanny consistency, ask inquisitive parent stumping questions, love to read Magic Tree House books, and still cry if he thinks his mama didn't hear him say "I love you" before bed. He is my favorite Optimus Prime and I cannot believe he has been ours for five years. Nathan, you are on in a million, WE LOVE YOU!!!

The first half of the pictures are from Nathan's gymnastics party with friends. The second half are from the more subdued, no legal liability forms required, home party on the night of his real birthday. He had a third mini celebration in Yakima this weekend with my family. That's my kid, milking a birthday for all its worth.

And it begins...

I called my mom this afternoon, irritated with all my kids. They were all being annoying. Johanna whining and begging at my feet, Dane trying to comb my hair with his child size broom, and Nathan head butting me in the rear OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And Aubrey. She had put on her "self righteous I know everything panties" and couldn't stop critiquing and criticizing everyone.

I relayed a specific conversation I had with little miss Queen of the Whole World to my mother. My mom thought it was so funny that she emailed it out to the family. I am attaching her version of the conversation (which is verbatim) because I certainly could do no better.

And so begins the era in which my children think I'm lame for the next twenty years.

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A little background. Nathan got a pair of roller skates for his birthday yesterday and has been putting them on and taking them off several million times a day. Well, he puts them on and Sara has to take them off as he can't maneuver that feat. Also, Aubrey "is showing glimmers of entering that really obnoxious age". So here is a conversation that took place about an hour ago while Sara was removing Nathan's roller skates:

Aubrey: Mom, what are you doing?

Sara: Taking Nathan's roller skates off.

Aubrey (in a condescending disgusted voice): Why would you do that?

Sara (slightly irritated): Because he wants me too.

Aubrey (sanctimoniously): Well, he'll never get better if you keep taking his skates off.

Sara: (Gives Aubrey the stink eye and starts taking the other skate off)

Aubrey: What are you doing now?

Sara (dripping with sarcasm): I'm hunting Water Buffalo.

Aubrey (quite crankily): Mom, you know I hate it when you tease me.

Sara (crankier than Aubrey): WELL AUBREY, YOU CAN SEE WHAT I'M DOING!!!!

Aubrey (in a calm, rational voice): Why are you speaking harshly to me?