They didn't tell me about this

Parenting. It always surprises you. I remember thinking with Aubrey that once she slept through the night that it would all be a piece of cake. ANYTHING had to be easier than sleep deprivation. Go ahead now, laugh amongst yourselves.

Those of you who know Aubrey understand that she is a sensitive soul. She doesn't like big crowds, is content working on art projects and crafts, and requires gentle parenting. She is thoughtful and considerate and kind but an extrovert or a dare devil, she is not.

Onto my story. We were at a birthday party this evening at McDonalds. It has a huge tunnel like play structure with a large, twisty, enclosed tunnel slide coming down off of it. Only recently has Aubrey even ventured down it and that was with plenty of encouragement. Nathan on the other hand likes it best on his stomach, head first, a face splitting smile on his face.

All night Nathan threw himself down that slide head first. Aubrey really really wanted to do it. She wanted to see what he was grinning wildly about. She came up to me, already nearly in tears, and said, "Mommy, I want to go down the slide head first but I'm so scared. BUT I WANT TO."

I encouraged her that she could do it and that I would wait at the bottom for her. Nathan went first to show her how. Understand, the entrance to this slide is way up in the middle of this huge tunnel structure and it's nearly impossible for this pregnant mama to get to her. I could hear her though, sobbing at the top, "Mommy, I want to, I want to, I want to, but I'm so scared!"

Other kids came down that had crawled past her. I yelled up to her, "Honey, just go feet first. I'm standing right at the bottom waiting for you. We can practice head first later."

Out came Nathan, head first, and bounced out shouting, "THAT IS SO MUCH FUN!"

Then I heard Aubrey's tentative voice saying, "Mommy, I'm coming, I'm coming." I could see her little shadow slowly creeping down, hands first. "YOU CAN DO IT HONEY! GOOD JOB!"

Then, the hysterics, the panic. "MOMMY, HELP ME, HELP ME, I'M TOO SCARED, I'M TOO SCARED!!!! HHEEEEEELLLLLPPPPP MMMEEEE!!!!!!"

Without a thought this mama climbed up the tunnel slide, nearly to the top, and held her hands all the way down. By the time we got to the bottom she was sobbing so hard she couldn't talk. I picked her up and held her while she cried and cried.

When she could talk she looked at me with these huge teary eyes and said, "Mommy, how come I'm not brave like Nathan? I want to be brave and I tried so hard but I was just scared. How come I'm not brave?"

Yes, there were tears in my eyes. There was my precious, just the way God made her, little girl, wondering why she wasn't good enough. Broke my heart right there in the craze of a McDonald's birthday party.

The thing is, I want her to have the courage to try things that scare her. I want her to conquer her fears and know the confidence that comes from thinking you couldn't do something but you did it anyways. I also want her to have the confidence to say, "I am exactly the way God made me and I'm satisfied with that. I'd rather not go head first down the dark twisty slide, thank you very much."

So, I talked my best talk and she listened. I told her that God makes everyone different and special. I told her that we are all made differently to fulfill the plan that God has for each of us. He wants to do something different with her then he wants to do with Nathan or Dane or Mommy and Daddy. That means that we are all special, with special talents and skills. It also means that we are each going to have things that we are naturally good at and things that we have to work harder at to be successful. I tried to emphasize that even if it's hard it doesn't mean we don't do it, we just do it knowing it might take us more work than a different person. I rambled on and on, trying to find the balance I had in my head with my inadequate words.

I talked about what true bravery is. Yes, it's doing something despite its difficulty. What it really is though is doing the RIGHT thing, the Godly thing, despite its difficulty. We talked about a time that she refused to exclude the younger sibling of a friend from playing even though the big sister wanted to. I told her that was true bravery, doing the right and kind thing even when it felt hard. That's the kind of bravery God is interested in, not whether or not she goes head first down a slide.

This might seem like over kill for a scared kid on a slide but this is the tough stuff I tell you. Teaching our kids to value themselves not because of what they accomplish but because of who they are in Christ. If only I knew how to consistently apply this to my own life, maybe I would feel better about teaching it to my children. My precious babies who are created and knit together by God, the exact way they are supposed to be.

As for the slide? Well, Greg loves roller coasters and I hate them. I'm okay with that and I pray that Aubrey can be too.