...not me.
Yesterday I let both Aubrey and Nathan pee outside, in a somewhat public area. I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE. Other than an urgent stop on the side of the freeway on our way someplace, never have we (okay, I) allowed the kids to pee in anything other than a socially acceptable receptacle. Until yesterday, in which I let both of them. (Dane is excused from this because he carries his bathroom with him where ever he goes.)
See, the trouble with little kids is that when they say, "I HAVE TO GO TO THE BATHROOM!" what they really mean is, "I had to really really go about 20 minutes ago and now I'm actively wetting my pants." When you are on the go, this is bad news. By the time you park, find a store/public facility that will allow you to use their toilet, unload all the kids, and get to the bathroom, the child in need has wet their pants, gotten it all over their car seat, and probably has sat in some dirt. There just ain't the time for that kind of time.
It started with Nathan. He is even worse than Aubrey. When he says he has to go, YOU HAD BETTER JUMP. We were on our way to Target, no where near anything, and I ended up letting him pee on some bushes in an abandoned parking lot. He told me, with great sincerity, "Mommy, these plants are so glad to have a big drink of pee pee." Right.
Aubrey was another story. We had gone to a local play area after lunch. Thankfully no one else was there. She had sworn on her life that she had used the bathroom before we left. Two minutes into play time she is dancing and crying (literally) and moments away from flooding her pants.
For you moms out there, you know that getting to the park is no small process, what with the sunscreen and shoes and maybe a snack and the walking to the park and the walking home. My closest friend was a ten minute walk away and we weren't going to get that far. So I did it again. I let her pee right there on the road, hidden from sight by a parked car. The whole time I thought, what kind of mother am I?? Where do I think I live that I can allow my kids to pee anywhere they so choose? And why on earth don't I carry a spare potty seat in the car?!?
Last parenting story. For my squeamish male readership, you might want to skip this part.
During all the above mentioned peeing escapades, we did make it to Target. While paying for my purchases, I can see the checker looking over my shoulder at my cart with a weird expression on her face. To my horror, I turn around to see that Dane has taken a tampon (wrapped, thankfully) out of my purse and is sucking on it! I am tripping all over myself, trying to take it away . Dane is howling because I have ripped his toy away from him and the other two are asking, in their best outside voices, "Mommy, what is that? What are you doing? Why is Dane crying? Why are you sweating profusely and speaking incoherently?" (Okay, maybe only I imagined that question.) The check out gal was almost purple from the effort of not laughing. I was purple with embarrassment.
Just another day in motherhood.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
And the mother of the year award goes to...
Posted by Sara Jones at 1:51 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
7 comments:
Thanks for the laughs, of course I am not laughing at you but with you because I have SO been there!
hahahhahahhahahhhaaaa!!! i'm not laughing at you, i'm laughing with you. ok, since i'm not a mother none of this has ever happened to me. so i can't really be with you. ok, i'm laughing at you. but i still love you a big bit. and your children a big bit. and my birth control pills a big huge bit.
That is freaking hilarious! We weren't in public, but Anna dug under our bathroom sink and pulled out a tampon and started chewing on it, got it unwrapped and was waving it around all proud of herself. We finally had to put a baby lock on those cabinets because she kept going back for more!
Don't beat yourself up for letting your kids pee on the street, I would have done the same thing. Nathan's comment about the plants needing the pee pee made me cry I was laughing so hard.
Loved the stories...glad it was you and not me! :)
Actually Sara, if the kids had to vote I'm sure you would get "Mother of the Year" award BECAUSE they got to pee in public. What boy especially doesn't love that.
AND, you all remember the story about Hannah placing half the contents of my purse on the conveyer belt at the grocery store when she was just little so all of a sudden along with my bread, eggs, cheese, milk, went my wallet, pen, checkbook and a tampon. Ah yes, the joys of motherhood.
The wallpaper job she did about a year later with about a million of my panty liners would have been bad enough had I discovered it but the fact that Brad Arnesen was the one who found it really added to the humiliation. Thanks Hannah, never a dull moment when you have kids.
Sara, I can not thank you enough for shareing that story with us. I will now go to bed with the giggles.:) (((THANKS!!))
Sara, you have actually taught a valuable life skill with the potty-outside bit.
When I was little, at a friend's house I needed to go potty but the only bathroom I knew about was occupied at the time. I panicked not knowing what to do. I knocked and knocked and knocked but my friend was in the bathroom and he told me to use his parents' bathroom.
The "master bathroom" was actually through the master bedroom and I wasn't allowed to go in there so, not wanting to break the rules and not knowing what else to do, I did the only logical thing left.
I peed on the door to the bathroom.
The knowledge that peeing outside when there are no other acceptable options is okay may have helped in this situation. :)
Love this post!
Post a Comment