Vanity and other sins

I would hate for anyone to think I was vain. That's why I give you this, Sara's untouched bed head. You're welcome.

Sara is insane, part XIII

Without a second thought I just tossed Dane's dirty clothes in the garbage and his dirty diaper into the clothes hamper. I caught my mistake when I threw a container in the trash and said, "Hey, who put their clothes in the garbage?!?!"

There is no excuse for me sometimes.

MIA

Where has Sara gone you ask? Well, I have walked to the edge of illness hell and am creeping my way back slowly. Since Sunday I have been a shivering, feverish, aching, vomiting disaster. Greg stayed home Monday and Tuesday and my sweet mother-in-law Marian took care of us today. I'm the proud owner of Tamiflu and an anti-nausea med and frequent Tylenol.

Oh, and in case you didn't know, I'm pregnant! Nine and a half weeks and I'm already putting this poor baby to task. The pregnancy is wonderful but has made this lovely situation all the more complicated. And stressful.

After a useless trip to my family doc today and a helpful phone call to my ob I finally got the anti-nausea meds I need to stop barfing and keep some fluids down. Tonight, for the first night in days, I'm feeling human. Not perfect, but human. I'm thinking I might survive.

Send us healthy prayers. Okay, mostly me, but preventing the rest of my family from getting this would be lovely.

p.s. Is there a doc in the house? (You know who you are.) Could I have gotten H1N1 from my kids after they had their live nasal vaccine? I'm convinced.

When I grow up

(My paternal grandmother, Annelies, date and age unknown)

I've been itching for a blogging excuse to use this photo. Isn't she beautiful? She is obviously dressed up for an occasion and I have wondered what it was. A party? A dance? Maybe a date? She looks so happy and carefree.

I feel like I've had a less than carefree week. Lots of adult stuff and not much time to process it. Sometimes it's hard not to look at myself and wonder, when did I grow up?? It sneaks up on you. One day you're 18 and the next day you still feel 18 but you're actually 30. (Almost anyways.)

I don't think 30 is old. It's just that is seemed to come on the heals of 21, with all the other years missing in between. I understand why people in their 80s will say that they don't feel 80. It's because they DON'T. Sometime after leaving adolescence the years swept past and suddenly they are wearing pink polyester pants and an embroidered sweatshirt and probably thinking, "I hate polyester! And I don't even like birds, let alone ones embroidered on my collar!" It just happens.

I don't want to be 18 anymore. I'm satisfied with my life and where it has taken me. All the things I used to dream about like a husband and kids, have come true. Not very many people say they are living their dream but I actually am. I recognize how special that is. It's just that I'm still supposed to be too young for these things, right? Having to act tough when you want to curl up and cry is still a part of this whole adult gig that I haven't mastered. Adulthood I have decided isn't anything you learn or grow into or master. It is thrust upon you and you just do it. Even when the kid in you is yelling that you need a nap and your own mother.

Such ramblings. All this to say that sometimes being an adult is tough work. And no, this post has little to do with the picture. But it was still fun too see, huh?

Perfectionism's evil cousin

As most of you know, I am an oldest child. After getting my hands on "The Birth Order Book" by Kevin Leman (RECOMMEND) I am secure in the fact that I scream oldest child. One of the hallmarks of us first kiddos is perfectionism. Or frustrated perfectionism. Or, I'm a perfectionist but don't know it so I slip into anti-perfectionism. Okay, it makes sense if you read the book. Anyways...

As I was reading the book I remember thinking, I don't think I am a perfectionist. I think I have reasonable expectations of myself. That is until I got to the part that said, and I quote, "You won't try new things because if you can't be perfect at it the first time why bother and we mean you Sara, like that one time you tried to hit golf balls at the driving range with Greg and it nearly destroyed your marriage."

This is my least favorite personal quality. It's true. If I don't think something will come easily to me or that it might be really really really hard then I don't even try. What's the point in doing something if you have to be an amateur?? (Please note sarcasm.) This prevents me from trying new things because I hate the learning curve. I don't like being on the curve, I want to set the curve.

Which is how I've been feeling about this new camera idea. I really do want one. A nice one. But I won't know how to use it at first. And I'll take bad pictures. And the terms will be new. And the lighting will be wrong. And it'll be hard for a while and nobody will ask me to photograph their wedding.

I'm turning over a new leaf though and am starting with this camera. And now here's my question for you. What characteristic about yourself don't you like and have you ever actively tried to change it? Let's have another fun discussion!

p.s. If you must know, Greg is not like this. He enjoys the journey and is rarely frustrated with the process. He's learning the guitar and his attitude and work ethic is inspiring. His example is my motivation.

p.p.s. Apparently getting someone to redo your blog takes years. At least the people I know.