Uncivilized Beasts

Signs that the day is going to kick your *@@....

1. After the shower you take to revive your body after a night of no sleep, you put on a "clean" sweatshirt only to find that it has baby puke on the sleeve and back. And you decide to wear it anyways.

2. Your two year old wakes up at 5:45 and is having hysterically tired fits by 6:15 a.m. When asked if he needs to go back to bed he screams, "NO, I JUST WOKE UP!!"

3. The above mentioned two year old gets dressed after you literally drag him thrashing from under a wine stand, which he knocks over and breaks some of the contents in the process. The demon possession continues as mom, the goddess of all horrible things, has the audacity to require that he wear a shirt since we are headed to the store. Mom decides that she doesn't have the strength to go to the store and puts rotten child to bed. He is asleep in under two minutes.

1 hours elapses....

4. Rotten two year old wakes up, crabby as ever. However, the grocery store calls because once again, evil mom woman needs to pick up selfish things like ice cream and candies to decorate rotten two year old's birthday cake with, which happens to be tomorrow. Of all the dastardly deeds.

5. Baby Dane, who is always so mellow, decides to wail like a banchee at the grocery store as soon as entering. He decides he is squished. He decides he is being ignored. He decides that he hates his car seat. Mom frantically searches for binky in purse, finds none, and without hesitation opens a new package right there in the store and shoves on in his mouth. (NOTE: I did pay for them and no, I don't care that the package says to boil them first and to never ever use it as a baby sitter or a way to just shut a baby up.)

6. 31/2 year old and rotten two year old are bribed to the ceiling. They are each holding a fruit roll up that will be theirs IF AND ONLY IF THEY CAN KEEP THEIR HANDS TO THEMSELVES AND NATHAN I SAW THAT AND SO HELP ME AUBREY IF YOU PINCH HIS HAND ONE MORE TIME, DO YOU THINK THIS CONSTITUTES GOOD BEHAVIOR, YOU DREADFUL LITTLE INGRATES??????

7. After running into most of Liberty Lake at the store while I wear puke covered clothing and look like an ancient old witch, we go to pay. Once again, mom exercises her idiocy by turning her eyes away from "older" kids to pay only to hear Aubrey scream because Nathan (rotten two year old) has bitten her shoulder and drawn blood. With true delight in mom's heart, she takes rotten two year olds fruit roll up from him, hands it the cashier to take back, and proceeds to open Aubrey's and allow her to eat it in front of him. His anguished cries only make her heart swell with happiness all the more.

8. Saga continues at home, including two more time outs for rotten two year old, much self-righteous indignation from Aubrey and a half whimper of pain whenever Nathan looks at her (to her credit, that bite had to have hurt like hell, and yes I said hell and yes it felt good) a starving suckling baby, mountains of groceries to unload and a house that looks condemned. Oh, and I just had to interrupt typing this post because rotten two year old pooped his pants in bed after his mom forgot to change him into a diaper instead of his big boy underwear for his nap.

I QUIT!