Have you read on my sister's blog about her husband picking individual items out of a swept up pile of dust rather than sweeping up the whole pile? Or his reply? This is a mean question since their blog is private but still, you are missing out. It's humor at its finest.
I have to say though, when it comes to spouses doing insane things, I was the winner today. I woke up not feeling well. I did not articulate this and shuffled around, growing ever angrier that Greg was not a mind reader. The role of a martyr is much more satisfying than actual assistance. Then I felt that his shower was too long and probably too hot. Then I became more frustrated that not only did he not truly understand my plight but he had the further audacity to make himself coffee AND get ready for work. You know, without rocking me like a baby and spoon feeding me broth first.
Then when he came upstairs I wondered outloud (okay, fine, wailed) as to why he hadn't noticed my suffering and offered to dress kids, feed them, and get ready for work so that we could eat and have heat. When he gave me the "are you crazy look" and said, "Okay, fine, I can get Dane dressed", I collapsed in a weeping heap on the bed, declaring that the offer didn't count if it wasn't said with a loving, sincere, and compassionate heart. Soon after the man tore out of the driveway, probably thinking that the warm embrace of his boss was 3 times better than his lunatic wife.
We talked over lunch. He graciously, and sincerely, asked, "How are you feeling?" I said, "Fine, please come home after work. Don't leave me for a kinder, less bizarre woman. I promise that I will not be insane." He just laughed. LAUGHED. That my friend is a good man. It would have been fair if he said, "Fine, I"ll come home but I'm having Valium delivered and I'd like 3 of the on board before I walk through the door."
Please tell me that sometimes you are also insane.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Insane
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4 comments:
Are you feeling better? I sure hope you don't get the swine flu....it stinks! Hardcore!
By the way, did you get my email? I sent it once and it was returned to me as an undeliverable address. I sent it back to the same exact address and it hasn't come back. I don't mean to pressure you, I am just curious if I am waiting for nothing. :)
I really and truly am sorry that you don't feel well but was it O.K. that I still laughed at your post.
I also must say that the last two posts on the Brandon Blog were hysterically funny. Old ladies with weak bladders should have been warned about it first for sure.
As far as being insane at times. For whatever reason I was a peach at 3 out of 4 births. I really was, ask your father. However, the induced birth with KayLynn was NOT fun and to say I was insane would be like saying Mt. Rainier is a small incline.
You father's mere existence ticked me off and every sound or smell or gesture that emitted from him made me want to find a scalpel and neuter him. I was livid when he didn't know my feet were freezing even though I brought along a nice cozy pair of socks for that exact reason. He also was not a mind-reader and that made me especially mad at him. I finally had to frantically wave towards my feet and spewed COLD, COLD, COLD at him. After half a year he figured out what I wanted and quickly tore the socks out of my suitcase to promptly get them on my feet but then had the audacity not to realize when my feet, moments later, became WAY too hot. He was worthless. Again he refused to realize I was in need and simply ignored the venom coming from my side of the room (he had been told to get as far away from me as possible). When my eyeballs popped out of my head and I broke blood vessels all over the place and I said HOOOOOOOTTTTT he quickly surveyed the situation to make sure I hadn't found some sort of weapon and when he decided he still probably could outrun me he did dash over and whisk the socks off. When I ran out of insults for him I turned on my doctor, a veritable saint. It was about that time that they went looking for a good exorcist.
since we were doing the long distance thing for the summer, brett and i texted constantly (i'm sure you remember) and as there is zero voice inflection in a text message, i definitely turned a little schitzo-girlfriend on him by interpreting very innocuous texts negatively and picked fights over them. guilty. and embarrassed. but seriously, why couldn't he tell i was having a bad day when i said "yeah, my day's going alright". obviously it's a horrible day! so his "oh i'm so glad" informed me that A) he didn't love me anymore and so therefore B) he wanted to break up. and then his confusion as to why i was mad at him just deepened my knowledge of his true feelings about me.
Sara, are you feeling any better? I really hope you're not down and out for our big weekend! Hopefully you are in bed and sleeping right now getting all rested up.
Your email made me laugh...I have SOOOO been there. Plenty of times. I often sit quietly and fume about little, insignificant things that Dane does.
For instance...Dane will go in the bathroom at night, turn on the shower and then brush and floss his teeth. All the while, the hot water is running and being wasted in the shower and the bathroom is getting all hot and steamy and he doesn't bother to turn on the fan. Why this annoys me so much, I have no idea.
Second example...Dane works nights. Some nights he gets home somewhat early. He likes to call me on his way home. He calls right in the middle of my shows, such as The Biggest Loser or So You Think You Can Dance. I mean, doesn't he know? Can't he read my mind and know NOT TO CALL?! Never mind that he is being sweet and thoughtful to call to let me know he's on his way. It always just annoys me.
I'm so glad that us women are perfect.
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