Caught with my pants down

UPDATE, UPDATE!!!!!!

As of today, the people that made me work my tail off, stayed for one minute, and didn't appreciate my three bedroom house, have put on offer on that house that we accepted and we have signed the preliminary signing agreement. They want a close of April 15. God works in cool ways. HOORAY!! Now Mojo won't have to be naked and sleeping in a box.

Metaphorically speaking that is.

We have found this whole house selling/move thing rather tedious, laborious, and currently, disappointing. We are trying to sell the house by ourselves and it is SLOW going. Few calls and fewer showings.

The first few weeks we were listed I about killed myself keeping the house constantly sparkling. Not a fun way to live but I was sure that THE BUYER was going to show up on my front door and I'd have five minutes to prep.

Then there wasn't any action. A few phone call, not a single showing, and my dedication slipped. The house is still clean but not oh-yes-please-stop-by-in-the-next-five-minutes-and-I always-have-fresh-baked-cookies-on-the-counter-and-my-kids-never-have-snotty-noses clean.

We have had a bit more action since but imagine my horror when I get a phone call today from a realtor who is hoping to show the house in fifteen minutes. I took a look around and thought to myself, impossible. To the realtor I said, "Can you give me an hour?"

Here are a few tricks I learned in that hour.

1) Shoving the five loads of clean clothes you had spread out to fold into garbage bags and throwing them in the back of the van works.

2) You can rinse dirty dishes in a sink, place them nicely in a cupboard, and take them back out later to really clean.

3) THANK GOD for beautiful, sunny days. I threw the kids outside, acted like I had planned a picnic lunch all day, and made them eat on paper towels. No dishes, no crumbs, no mess in the house, and the kids think I'm awesome.

4) You need at least ten minutes of rest after an insane hour of cleaning because if you are pregnant your entire head will glow neon red from the exertion and the prospective buyers will be more concerned about you keeling over than the condition of the house.

5) You son will, two minutes before showing, throw open the garage door and re-ding the wall that was so recently patched and repainted. This, with a door stop in place and everything.

6) Your hopes of a nap will be GONE. Your kids naps will be all off. You will be frazzled and grumpy.

7) The buyers will walk in, spend six minutes looking, say, "Is it really only three bedrooms?" and leave. With never knowing that you nearly died trying to make the house look pretty for them. You know, because with three little kids and pregnant belly it always looks like this.

And Greg wonders why I think doing this with a newborn would be impossible. Not hard, not challenging, not even horrible, but IMPOSSIBLE. IMPOSSIBLE I SAY.