And it begins...

I called my mom this afternoon, irritated with all my kids. They were all being annoying. Johanna whining and begging at my feet, Dane trying to comb my hair with his child size broom, and Nathan head butting me in the rear OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And Aubrey. She had put on her "self righteous I know everything panties" and couldn't stop critiquing and criticizing everyone.

I relayed a specific conversation I had with little miss Queen of the Whole World to my mother. My mom thought it was so funny that she emailed it out to the family. I am attaching her version of the conversation (which is verbatim) because I certainly could do no better.

And so begins the era in which my children think I'm lame for the next twenty years.

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A little background. Nathan got a pair of roller skates for his birthday yesterday and has been putting them on and taking them off several million times a day. Well, he puts them on and Sara has to take them off as he can't maneuver that feat. Also, Aubrey "is showing glimmers of entering that really obnoxious age". So here is a conversation that took place about an hour ago while Sara was removing Nathan's roller skates:

Aubrey: Mom, what are you doing?

Sara: Taking Nathan's roller skates off.

Aubrey (in a condescending disgusted voice): Why would you do that?

Sara (slightly irritated): Because he wants me too.

Aubrey (sanctimoniously): Well, he'll never get better if you keep taking his skates off.

Sara: (Gives Aubrey the stink eye and starts taking the other skate off)

Aubrey: What are you doing now?

Sara (dripping with sarcasm): I'm hunting Water Buffalo.

Aubrey (quite crankily): Mom, you know I hate it when you tease me.

Sara (crankier than Aubrey): WELL AUBREY, YOU CAN SEE WHAT I'M DOING!!!!

Aubrey (in a calm, rational voice): Why are you speaking harshly to me?

Let the pictures do the talking

My blogging mojo has been sucked into a vortex of busyness. In penance I am giving you what you want anyways, a few pictures.

Because of how blogger loaded my pictures giving them individual captions is nearly impossible. However, in no particular order, you will find Nathan flexing what his mama gave him, Dane double fisting pickles, Aubrey showing off a new toothless grin, Johanna channelling Nicole Richie, misc. Easter pictures, Nathan mowing the lawn, Johanna rocking the hat I made her, and a cute one of Greg with the kids on his birthday. Enjoy!

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Oh man, that is one corny subject line. Go ahead, reread it. CORNY.

BUT TRUE.

I guess it was more like a wonderful weekend but still. A wonderful weekend that is a reflection of a wonderful life. You know, good husband, good kids, good friends, good wine. Okay, so I don't drink wine but it fit the motif of cheesy sayings. Next I'll be talking about how I "LIVED, LAUGHED, AND LOVED" this weekend.

This is why it was a great weekend.

Greg and I hired a great baby sitter and went to a dueling piano lounge on Friday night. It was fabulous! Two guys playing incredible piano, fun crowd interaction, songs on request, warm flat bread and hummus to snack on, and dancing. I can't remember the last time we went somewhere like that. College maybe??

The sun shown down on us and we got a ton of yard work done. By we I mean mostly Greg. He dug up a huge section of the border of our back yard that was being devoured by the weed OREGON GRAPE. It must be typed in caps because it is that nasty and that virulent and that hard to get rid of. He had to unwind all its nasty roots from around our underground sprinkler pipe. He mowed and trimmed and manicured the front lawn. He and his dad got our sprinkler system going. I pulled up some weed paper and kept Johann from ingesting too much dirt. The kids literally drank up the sun shine and became filthy little creatures, the way all kids should look on a beautiful spring day.

We celebrated Greg's birthday today with a BBQ. We had his parents over and our great friends, Angela and Justin, joined us after coming into town for Bloomsday. Food was delicious and the company better. Plus, the sun was shining. Greg makes a very handsome 34 year old, even cuter than when I met him at 21.

I swam a half mile without stopping, the entire distance I need to go for the triathlon I'm doing in August. It was awesome! I did pull out an Olympic style frog backstroke at the end because I was so tired but hey, I did it, and I get 30 bonus points for not drowning. The rest of my training is going great too. My darling friend Jenny talked me into this triathlon but I'm doing it for me now and it feels good.

All of our kids, even Johanna, got Bibles for Easter. It was been so exciting to see how excited they are about them. Nathan in particular seems the most spiritually sensitive of the kids right now and asks such thoughtful questions. He loves the stories of God's greatest miracles and asks us to read to him out of his new Bible all the time. Dane is still learning but he did march in to me this weekend, indignant and sad and said, "Mom, Nathan squished a spider but it is one of Jesus's creatures!" What do you say to that?? Aubrey has been working on reading the book of Esther to herself out of a real BIble. This is hard reading for her but after I summarized the book for her she was sold. What girl doesn't want to read about a girl who is used by God, becomes a princess, and saves her people?

What else? I'm sure there is more but for now I'm going to go and snuggle with my husband. What a wonderful weekend!

My life as a status update

I do not have my own Facebook account, although I spy on Greg's all the time. I don't know why I do it, I don't know half the people but the voyeur in me enjoys it. I won't do Facebook because heaven only knows how much of my life it would suck away. Blogs and Greg's Facebook do enough of that already!

However, there is the occasion where I think I need a status update, not a whole blog post. Here are a few that have come to mind recently:

"Aubrey and Nathan asked if I would pray with them to ask Jesus into their hearts. April 16, 2011 was an exceptionally good day."

"Get your scabies at the Jones house! Free to good home."

"Mommy, I love my boxer briefs because they grow in deep dark forests." (Dane, age 3)

"The kids play area at McDonalds was closed after some of the kids reported a puddle of pee in a tunnel. How did they know it was pee and not water?"

"Johanna does what we call 'turtling'. Our 10 month old, crawling, pulling to stand, trying to climb stairs baby doesn't roll from her back to stomach. So there she will lie, just like a turtle."

"Nathan wants roller skates for his birthday and a chance to see a real live tornado and see if it whips him off his feet. You now know my son."

"Aubrey called Greg 'Jimmy' after the boy in a Shel Silverstein poem who watched so much t.v. he turned into a t.v.. Thank you NBA playoffs."

"You too can make doll house furniture out of an egg carton! It will only cost you hours of your life with no return on your investment."

"The three things Aubrey cried about today was not being allowed to wear a spring tank dress due to frost and snow, how the clip I put in her hair was not smooth enough, and the injustice of Nathan calling her 'stinky'."

"Easter weekend plans: Yakima for eating, easter egg dying, eating, eating dessert, easter egg hunt, eating ice cream, movie, church, easter baskets, eating, nap, eating, going for a run, eating more not less, sleeping, and a final round of eating."

"This just in. Chai tea spilled on Canon camera does not improve outcome of photos."

GOOD NIGHT!

Aubrey as "Sally O'Mally"

Here is Aubrey, channeling Molly Shannon. If you need a refresher on the original check out the link. My kids are hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiehDcVZ-vA

The fake laugh is a Jones trait

Greg rocks a really bad fake laugh and I can't believe how fast Johanna has caught on. I hear this forced laugh from her more than I do a real one. Doesn't she look cute though in all her post eating glory?

Johanna's 9 month photo shoot

Even though I wasn't happy with how Dane's 3 year pictures turned out, I decided to try my hand at Johanna's 9 month pictures. These are the results of session one. I want to try and take some outside as well but this morning there was good lighting in her bedroom and I took a few impromptu shots. She was very precious and very uncooperative. A moving baby target is not the easiest thing to photograph! Here are the results with a couple that I think are especially cute. Of course, I will take any pointers as to how one photoshops out drool!

St. Patrick's Day

We had such a fun morning. Naughty leprechauns invaded our house and turned our pancakes, eggs, and milk green. They were unable to locate a green pig however so the bacon was the same old color. The best part of the morning was when I poured regular white milk from the gallon in the fridge into seemingly empty cups and the milk turned green on contact! This also happened with Johanna's baby yogurt (green food coloring before age 1 is okay, right?) that was green when I opened it. All the kids thought it was a blast but while Nathan and Dane marveled at the magic of it all Aubrey followed me around and said, "How did you make the milk green? I want to look in that cup BEFORE you put the milk in." Stinker smarty pants.

Have a lucky day!

p.s. Sorry about the pictures, they were taken with my low resolution camera phone.

This might sting a little

Aubrey has a loose tooth.

(This would be an appropriate time to gasp, shake your head in wonderment, and marvel at her genius.)

At 6 1/2 years, the fact that she hasn't lost a tooth yet is starting to weigh heavy on her mind. She has had a mildly loose tooth for MONTHS and it continues to languish in its spot, never any closer it seems to coming out.

BUT THEN. Aubrey's dearest and bestest little friend at school lost her first tooth on Monday. Suddenly Aubrey had a mission. She needed to lose this tooth.

This evening, right before dinner, I hear a slam (a chair tipping over backward) and Aubrey runs into the kitchen, hysterically crying, holding her mouth.

"WHAT HAPPENED?!?!?"

"I KNOCKED MY TOOTH LOOSE!!!!!!!!!"

I fully expected to see either another tooth hanging loose or the current one barely in there.

I found neither. What I did find was the current loose tooth in a much looser situation and Aubrey sobbing that it was going to fall out (isn't that the point)? and that it HURT HURT HURT and mommy, I tried to knock it out!!

For your sake and mine I will spare you all the dialogue. It took me a solid five minutes myself to understand that she had decided that that tooth was coming out and preferably today. She then proceeded to open the front lid of her desk (you know, the kind where the front of the desk folds down into the writing surface), BITE THE LID, and try and slam it shut, all in the hopes of knocking out her own tooth. What she did accomplish was rattling her own skull around, hurting her entire head, and as intended, making that tooth much looser. After the initial pain and terror she was quite pleased with her idea. Here are some bits of dialogue from this evening, post tooth-meets-desk incident.

"Mommy, how you doin' grown up tooth mama? I'm almost a grown up tooth girl."

"Mom, isn't it funny that Johanna is getting teeth while I'm losing them?"

"It sure is funny to have a lose tooth. It seems just right for a 6 1/2 year old girl to have a loose tooth."

"I'm thinkin' that Nathan will think it's cool when I have a tooth out."

She is currently standing beside me, critiquing my blog post because it has words underlined in red ("MOM, that means you spelled it wrong!") and constantly wiggling her tooth.

Stay tuned. I have a feeling that the actual event will be a blog post unto itself.

Pictures a plenty

This is mostly a picture post because I was a little camera crazy this weekend but here are some of the funny things coming out of my kids mouths lately. Or the funny things I say because my kids are crazy. Or because I am just going crazy.

When Aubrey gets startled she likes to say, "HEY, you scared the bejabbers out of me!!" I have adopted that one. She also asked me if she could have more chores. Man, I do related to that oldest female child of mine! She started a new art class and makes amazing drawings for all of us. Her understanding of dimension far out paces mine. She is reading like crazy and read a whole page of "Ramona the Pest" to us. She seems so big these days, she is such a cool kid.

Nathan has had an attitude lately and recently had all his pennies taken away for two days for lying to me. (The kids get four pennies a day, each worth 15 minutes of screen time. He lied about drilling a hole into their new dresser with a pen. That's another story.) He has been full of anguish the last two days as his siblings skip on down to watch their daily Phineaus and Ferb. I was feeling kind of bad for him and said I would play a game with him. He said, "No, but can daddy come home from work and play one with me?" Sigh. It is endearing though how much he loves his daddy.

Dane is hilarious. He talks a mile a minute and says, "mommy, mommy, can you get me some milk, mommy, mommy, I need some milk, mommy mommy...." I finally asked him to call me Penelope just so he would stop saying MOMMY all the time. He thought I was nuts. He also drug my favorite blanket into our room this morning, telling me to close my eyes like it was a present, and when I opened them he said, "Look mommy mommy, it's your blanket! i brought it in for me and Daddy and Johanna." Once again, mom is chopped liver. Oh, and the stinker broke a $100 standing wrought iron candle holder yesterday at Hobby Lobby. That's another story.

Johanna is coming up on 9 months old. She is now playing peek-a-boo, refuses to feed herself much of anything, says, DADADADADADADADA all the time (what is it with that guy?), looks like a gerbil when she drinks out of her sippy cup, loves to suck on her very own tooth brush, scoots all around in her own special sit-hands and knees-sit-pivot-belly flop sort of way, and arches her back when I bring her into her room for nap time. She is so smilely and adores her siblings. LIfe is not too hard for our pampered princess. Or Princess Pampers if you like.

Enjoy the pictures!