The day I tried to murder a fish

We have four fish.

Aubrey was given a fish tank for her third birthday, one in which we allowed our fish to gorge themselves and die at an alarming rate. After one too many dead fish we gave up on the tank and put it in storage. It has been there for three years.

A few months ago Greg tried to sneak the tank out for Goodwill. It was spotted. Pleading ensued. We now have four fish, one for each kid. Current names are Bun-bun, Wally, Lolly, and Fireball. (Fireball had a predecessor, Alexander, who promptly died.)

A few days ago I decided that if our fish were to survive I had to clean the tank. The kids thought this was a terribly exciting. After lugging the tank into the kitchen I began the whole process, four little people excitedly watching.

I removed the fish to a temporary holding tank. I cleaned the tank. I cleaned the rocks in the tank. I scrubbed the castle in the tank. I wondered how I had gotten talked into fish. I filled the tank, lovingly dropped in the anti-chlorine drops, and got ready to return the fish. Almost done.

THREE FISH were in the tank. I was literally on that last fish, THE LAST FISH, when the stupid thing got all floppy in the retrieval net and hurled itself into space, falling at least 100 fishy stories off the counter onto the floor.

The subsequent pandemonium is indescribable. Nathan sank to his knees, sobbing and wailing, before sprinting down the hall to his room. Aubrey jumped up and down in the kitchen, screaming for me to DO SOMETHING, DO SOMETHING!! Dane curled up in a ball on the floor, alternately crying softly and screaming. Johanna ran away in fear, mostly because surely something horrible was happening given the other three reactions. I looked everywhere for the adult who was going to handle the flopping fish and only came up with me.

I didn't want to actually touch the fish and yet I couldn't let it lay there and die. I kept trying to scoop it up but it was jumpy and disgusting and kept flopping away from me. Plus, I wanted to pick it up gently, so as not to squish it, although I was sure the internal bleeding from that fall was doing the job for me. I finally had to let it drown enough in air that it stopped flailing around. I then TOUCHED IT, got it on a spoon, and dumped it back in the tank.

What do you know, it seemed fine! It swam around the tank like a demon possessed eel for a while but kept moving. I was sure it was going to keel over any moment but as the minutes passed my confidence grew. I coaxed the kids back to the kitchen to see what a hero I was for saving the fish. Nathan told me he had "never seen anything so scary." They all wanted to know whose fish it was. I assured them it was Johanna's (as if I really knew) and that it seemed okay. I tempered that comment with a good shot of honesty (Kids, it could die at any moment). The kids told me to never do that again and I said that was fine with me, Daddy could have this job.

I think the fish were his idea anyways.

p.s. Five days later, the fish still lives!

Do you hear what I hear?

These are a few things that I heard today.

In an intense moment of imaginative play, Aubrey exclaimed that her stuffed puppy, Boltina, was having SUCH A HARD TIME giving up cigarettes. Will this topic never cease to haunt me?

Johanna snuggled up to Aubrey in bed tonight, binky in mouth and purple blanket in hands, while Aubrey read her three Dr. Seuss books. At the end of each book Johanna would say, "More please Aubee."

Dane asked me to say, "Dane, why are your fish (toys) able to swim in the air?" After doing as I was told Dane said, "Because it isn't air, it's water, and you just don't know it."

After looking through a National Geographic article about Saturn Aubrey said, "It makes sense that Saturn has so many moons. It's so big and such a large mass would make it have A LOT of gravity. It probably sucks in big rocks from the asteroid belt." You're darn right I'll take some credit for that one!

Tonight I asked Nathan if he knew how much I loved him and he said, "One billion and one." WRONG KIDDO! It's more.

Greg, currently yelling coaching tips at the NBA game he is watching while working out. It's a basement full of man sounds.

More blog than you can handle

I have wanted to post for some time but the longer the absence, the greater the pressure. What should my tone be? Witty, contrite, or flippant? Do I apologize to my ten readers for my absence (implying that it has been a hardship for them) or ignore the gap all together? Pictures or no pictures? Update or humorous antecdote? After mulling these questions over in my head I would walk away and figure I'd do it another day. Understand, I was probably mulling these things over while folding clothes, teaching math, and cooking dinner. At the same time. Which of course is an entire other reason this blog has been neglected.

Yet, here I am, and I figured an update is what came most naturally. And some photos, courtesy of my mom. I have hundreds of pictures trapped on my own photo card, stuck there until I get myself another cord to hook up to my computer. Thanks Mom!

GREG: Coaching kindergarten Upward basketball, playing on his own rec basketball league for the 13th year in a row (fatherhood, injuries, and other commitments have left his team with THE IRON FIVE more than once this year), and rocking fatherhood and husbandhood. Why, just tonight, I called him in a state of panic, demanding chai tea and carbs, lest I lose my mind. He is an obliging man, and smart one, and keeps this family happy, warm, and fed.

Sara: I am home schooling. And raising four kids. And managing a house. And running kids to gymnastics, art, cheer, piano, and basketball. I try to work out in the mornings. I like to read books. I am fearfully addicted to Words With Friends. We host a care group. We go to church. I would like to do a Women's Bible Study, write more, work out more, read more, sit more, go on dates with my husband more, sleep more, and solve world peace. Most of the time I am satisfied to know that what I do is important, fulfilling, and normally enjoyable. For exceptions see above reference to chai tea and carbs.

Aubrey: Our 7 1/2 year old spent her Christmas holiday sick with mono. Four weeks later she has finally turned the corner and can make it through the day without a nap. She loves Upward Cheer but says she will return to basketball next year. (You can hear Greg breathe a sigh of relief from where you are.) She is whizzing through her piano lessons and, while on a brief hiatus during cheer, thoroughly loving a home school art class. She just recently moved out of her brothers' room and in with Johanna. I am already so in love with that sister relationship, it is beautiful to watch. She is our writer, creator, nurturer, pleaser, and hard worker. An oldest girl child, I understand nearly every move she makes.

Nathan: Our 5 1/2 year old son seems to have an increasing level of energy as the years go by. He is our fearless gymnast and would love to be taking more lessons if time, money, and energy would allow it. He is on his daddy's basketball team and while enjoying it, still is working on the finer points of play (which basket is his, what direction he should run). He is a thinker and asks the most mind stumping questions. Where does lightening go after it hits the ground? Why is the South Pole colder than the North Pole? How are snow and hail formed? Why are the different? What did people do with a kid like him without the internet?!? He is excelling at math, tolerates reading, and loves to play games. He is energetic, enthusiastic, inquisitive, joyful, and imaginative.

Dane: Our Danish Doodle turned four this past Saturday and while every day with a child is a joy, I can't say as we were sad to see three go. Dane excelled at being three, what with its illogical outbursts, selective hearing, and general contrariness. Greg and I also say that Dane is our most polarized child. He is sensitive, thoughtful, an excellent sharer without ever being asked, physically affectionate, hilarious, and endearing. He can also be, well, not so sweet and I find myself saying everyday, "DANE, do you like it when I lose my patience?!?" He loves any kind of airplane, legos, transformers, baking with his mama, giving snuggles, and wearing his Superman pajamas. He was also finally cleared to no longer wear a leg brace at night so that was welcomed news. (He was born with a club foot for those who are wondering.)

Johanna: Our baby has turned into a toddler right before our eyes. She is an excellent little talker (she told me today, "Mama, I bonk head"), adores her siblings, loves to be read to, will eat anything, likes to sit on the counter with me and pour ingredients when I bake, watch Elmo clips on YouTube, and hates to be excluded from anything. Ever since she gave up her morning nap school has been moved to the afternoon while she sleeps. She likes to be an active school participant (LOOK, I dumped the markers! Look, I stole Aubrey's textbook! WAAHH, pay attention to me!!!) and we are all happier doing school while she sleeps. She sports a flowing mullet and remains our sweet and gentle baby girl.

IS ANYONE STILL READING?!?

I hope to be back in blogging business. I miss the writing outlet and need to hone my skills if I'm to make millions writing the next American classic.

Happy Snow Day to all!

Dear blog

Dear Blog,

I really do want to post again someday.

Aubrey had an awesome 7th birthday.

We had gorgeous family photos taken.

Homeschooling is going really well.

There is an epic story to tell involving me, my four children, and flu shots. We barely survived. A nurse was physically harmed. Five people in this story cried. Greg brought me home a cherry pepsi and dove chocolates post flu shot horror.

Nathan and Dane are in gymnastics. Aubrey is taking piano and art. I am home schooling and baby-sitting two afternoons a week and trying to maintain a level of physical fitness.

Upward basketball starts in four weeks. Nathan is playing, Aubrey is cheering, Daddy is coaching.

Greg's own rec basketball team is starting up for the season.

WE NEVER SIT DOWN.

EVER.

Maybe blog pictures tomorrow??

Love, Sara

Death by knock knock joke

Baby poop everywhere? Lots of patience. Allowing the kids to play in dry rice and beans in the kitchen? Anytime. Wearing your superhero costumes everywhere? Sure thing.

But KNOCK KNOCK JOKES, oh how I hate thee.

These things have become a staple at every meal. At best they are silly, at worst they are disgusting, and have many shades in between. Trust me when I say, they are rarely funny. Mostly they are stupid and drive me crazy. Why do they annoy me so badly? That I don't know but here are a couple of typical ones that I endured during dinner tonight. (Oh, and they refuse to tell them to anyone other than me. How sweet.)

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Poopy tooty.
Poopy tooty who?
Poopy tooty blah blu blooty.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
(After much looking around, trying to think of something, sees our fruit bowl.) Oranges.
Oranges who?
I want to eat some oranges.

Knock knock.
Who's there?
Flip flops.
Flip flops who?
Flip flops go on your shlip shlops.

See, you're starting to go crazy too, huh?

Let the pictures do the talking

My blogging mojo has been sucked into a vortex of busyness. In penance I am giving you what you want anyways, a few pictures.

Because of how blogger loaded my pictures giving them individual captions is nearly impossible. However, in no particular order, you will find Nathan flexing what his mama gave him, Dane double fisting pickles, Aubrey showing off a new toothless grin, Johanna channelling Nicole Richie, misc. Easter pictures, Nathan mowing the lawn, Johanna rocking the hat I made her, and a cute one of Greg with the kids on his birthday. Enjoy!

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Oh man, that is one corny subject line. Go ahead, reread it. CORNY.

BUT TRUE.

I guess it was more like a wonderful weekend but still. A wonderful weekend that is a reflection of a wonderful life. You know, good husband, good kids, good friends, good wine. Okay, so I don't drink wine but it fit the motif of cheesy sayings. Next I'll be talking about how I "LIVED, LAUGHED, AND LOVED" this weekend.

This is why it was a great weekend.

Greg and I hired a great baby sitter and went to a dueling piano lounge on Friday night. It was fabulous! Two guys playing incredible piano, fun crowd interaction, songs on request, warm flat bread and hummus to snack on, and dancing. I can't remember the last time we went somewhere like that. College maybe??

The sun shown down on us and we got a ton of yard work done. By we I mean mostly Greg. He dug up a huge section of the border of our back yard that was being devoured by the weed OREGON GRAPE. It must be typed in caps because it is that nasty and that virulent and that hard to get rid of. He had to unwind all its nasty roots from around our underground sprinkler pipe. He mowed and trimmed and manicured the front lawn. He and his dad got our sprinkler system going. I pulled up some weed paper and kept Johann from ingesting too much dirt. The kids literally drank up the sun shine and became filthy little creatures, the way all kids should look on a beautiful spring day.

We celebrated Greg's birthday today with a BBQ. We had his parents over and our great friends, Angela and Justin, joined us after coming into town for Bloomsday. Food was delicious and the company better. Plus, the sun was shining. Greg makes a very handsome 34 year old, even cuter than when I met him at 21.

I swam a half mile without stopping, the entire distance I need to go for the triathlon I'm doing in August. It was awesome! I did pull out an Olympic style frog backstroke at the end because I was so tired but hey, I did it, and I get 30 bonus points for not drowning. The rest of my training is going great too. My darling friend Jenny talked me into this triathlon but I'm doing it for me now and it feels good.

All of our kids, even Johanna, got Bibles for Easter. It was been so exciting to see how excited they are about them. Nathan in particular seems the most spiritually sensitive of the kids right now and asks such thoughtful questions. He loves the stories of God's greatest miracles and asks us to read to him out of his new Bible all the time. Dane is still learning but he did march in to me this weekend, indignant and sad and said, "Mom, Nathan squished a spider but it is one of Jesus's creatures!" What do you say to that?? Aubrey has been working on reading the book of Esther to herself out of a real BIble. This is hard reading for her but after I summarized the book for her she was sold. What girl doesn't want to read about a girl who is used by God, becomes a princess, and saves her people?

What else? I'm sure there is more but for now I'm going to go and snuggle with my husband. What a wonderful weekend!

My life as a status update

I do not have my own Facebook account, although I spy on Greg's all the time. I don't know why I do it, I don't know half the people but the voyeur in me enjoys it. I won't do Facebook because heaven only knows how much of my life it would suck away. Blogs and Greg's Facebook do enough of that already!

However, there is the occasion where I think I need a status update, not a whole blog post. Here are a few that have come to mind recently:

"Aubrey and Nathan asked if I would pray with them to ask Jesus into their hearts. April 16, 2011 was an exceptionally good day."

"Get your scabies at the Jones house! Free to good home."

"Mommy, I love my boxer briefs because they grow in deep dark forests." (Dane, age 3)

"The kids play area at McDonalds was closed after some of the kids reported a puddle of pee in a tunnel. How did they know it was pee and not water?"

"Johanna does what we call 'turtling'. Our 10 month old, crawling, pulling to stand, trying to climb stairs baby doesn't roll from her back to stomach. So there she will lie, just like a turtle."

"Nathan wants roller skates for his birthday and a chance to see a real live tornado and see if it whips him off his feet. You now know my son."

"Aubrey called Greg 'Jimmy' after the boy in a Shel Silverstein poem who watched so much t.v. he turned into a t.v.. Thank you NBA playoffs."

"You too can make doll house furniture out of an egg carton! It will only cost you hours of your life with no return on your investment."

"The three things Aubrey cried about today was not being allowed to wear a spring tank dress due to frost and snow, how the clip I put in her hair was not smooth enough, and the injustice of Nathan calling her 'stinky'."

"Easter weekend plans: Yakima for eating, easter egg dying, eating, eating dessert, easter egg hunt, eating ice cream, movie, church, easter baskets, eating, nap, eating, going for a run, eating more not less, sleeping, and a final round of eating."

"This just in. Chai tea spilled on Canon camera does not improve outcome of photos."

GOOD NIGHT!

St. Patrick's Day

We had such a fun morning. Naughty leprechauns invaded our house and turned our pancakes, eggs, and milk green. They were unable to locate a green pig however so the bacon was the same old color. The best part of the morning was when I poured regular white milk from the gallon in the fridge into seemingly empty cups and the milk turned green on contact! This also happened with Johanna's baby yogurt (green food coloring before age 1 is okay, right?) that was green when I opened it. All the kids thought it was a blast but while Nathan and Dane marveled at the magic of it all Aubrey followed me around and said, "How did you make the milk green? I want to look in that cup BEFORE you put the milk in." Stinker smarty pants.

Have a lucky day!

p.s. Sorry about the pictures, they were taken with my low resolution camera phone.

Pictures a plenty

This is mostly a picture post because I was a little camera crazy this weekend but here are some of the funny things coming out of my kids mouths lately. Or the funny things I say because my kids are crazy. Or because I am just going crazy.

When Aubrey gets startled she likes to say, "HEY, you scared the bejabbers out of me!!" I have adopted that one. She also asked me if she could have more chores. Man, I do related to that oldest female child of mine! She started a new art class and makes amazing drawings for all of us. Her understanding of dimension far out paces mine. She is reading like crazy and read a whole page of "Ramona the Pest" to us. She seems so big these days, she is such a cool kid.

Nathan has had an attitude lately and recently had all his pennies taken away for two days for lying to me. (The kids get four pennies a day, each worth 15 minutes of screen time. He lied about drilling a hole into their new dresser with a pen. That's another story.) He has been full of anguish the last two days as his siblings skip on down to watch their daily Phineaus and Ferb. I was feeling kind of bad for him and said I would play a game with him. He said, "No, but can daddy come home from work and play one with me?" Sigh. It is endearing though how much he loves his daddy.

Dane is hilarious. He talks a mile a minute and says, "mommy, mommy, can you get me some milk, mommy, mommy, I need some milk, mommy mommy...." I finally asked him to call me Penelope just so he would stop saying MOMMY all the time. He thought I was nuts. He also drug my favorite blanket into our room this morning, telling me to close my eyes like it was a present, and when I opened them he said, "Look mommy mommy, it's your blanket! i brought it in for me and Daddy and Johanna." Once again, mom is chopped liver. Oh, and the stinker broke a $100 standing wrought iron candle holder yesterday at Hobby Lobby. That's another story.

Johanna is coming up on 9 months old. She is now playing peek-a-boo, refuses to feed herself much of anything, says, DADADADADADADADA all the time (what is it with that guy?), looks like a gerbil when she drinks out of her sippy cup, loves to suck on her very own tooth brush, scoots all around in her own special sit-hands and knees-sit-pivot-belly flop sort of way, and arches her back when I bring her into her room for nap time. She is so smilely and adores her siblings. LIfe is not too hard for our pampered princess. Or Princess Pampers if you like.

Enjoy the pictures!

The beauty of tradition

Would you believe that its become a Christmas tradition to take a picture of my sister Hannah pretending to punch our mom in the face?

(The addition of brother-in-law Matt in the back is just a bonus.)

Not for sale

At about 7:30 this morning the cars started lining up.

By 9:00 a.m. when I brought Aubrey to school they stretched all the way down my street, lining both sides. Dozens of people rushed toward our neighbors house, trying to beat out the person next to them for some treasure.

Our elderly neighbor passed away two months ago and her family is holding her estate sale today. I had no idea these things were this popular. There has been an unrelenting stream of vehicles for several hours now.

It doesn't take a brilliant philosopher to deduce that ones life, a quality life, had better be about more than the stuff one owns. One day someone could open your home to the public and allow perfect strangers to buy up all the things that you thought were important. Your furniture, the art on your walls, the dishes in your cupboards, all the tools in your garage. It all goes.

What they won't be able to take is the family you had, the friends you had, the relationships you built, the impact and influence you had on the people around you, and your faith in God.

I hope you get the opportunity today to work on building up those things that one day won't be for sale!

Not dead

But you kind of thought I was, didn't you?

Here's what's happening, in no particular order.

1. Four kids, six and under, is busy. In case you were wondering.

2. I am planning on home schooling next year. Go ahead, talk amongst yourselves.

3. Next week is a short week because it is Thanksgiving break. After that it's three more work weeks and then our entire family has two whole weeks off for Christmas. YEAH!!

4. I have already decorated for Christmas. We don't have our tree up yet but everything else is up. I don't care what you say, I love it, it't not too early, and it makes us all happy. I listened to a Harry Connick Jr. Christmas cd all morning. It might be time to boot up my Pandora Christmas play list.

5. In about 1 1/2 weeks Greg will begin his first venture into the coaching world. He will be a kindergarten/1st grade coach for the Upward League. His sweet daughter Aubrey "THE BOMB" Jones is on his team. Go dragons!!

6. We have gotten to hang out with so many fun friends lately. Dinners, play dates, baby-sitting friends, etc. Now Greg and I just need a date!

7. I turned 31. I didn't die but I do think the smile lines around my eyes are starting to not go away when I'm done smiling. I wonder if six years of no sleep has anything to do with that?

8. My mom played this funny little email joke, sending the same email over and over again about an article on brain fog, pretending that she kept forgetting she had already sent it. It took the fourth email for me to get the joke. Talk about brain fog!

That's about all you've been missing folks. That and I found out that my across the street, so awesome, 20 year old baby-sitter got a full time job. She has been watching my kids every Wednesday morning for two hours so I can do WHATEVER I WANT. I was bummed for me but she really needed the job. Then she told me that she works noon to 6 p.m. and would continue our once a week baby-sitting. HOORAY!!!! She thinks she is getting married and moving next summer but I have other plans for her. Good-bye marriage, hello living in my basement!

When things go south

Greg and I both wanted/needed new cell phones. Mine was dead, his was mostly dead.

Our cell phone outing included all the kiddos, a change in cell phone provider, and picking out two new phones. NOT QUICK.

I ended up back in the van with the kids, feeding Johanna, while Greg wrapped things up. Which took an hour. No exaggeration.

During this hour Dane wet his pants and Johanna blew out her clothes. Plus I was stuck in the car for an hour with the kids.

On the way home Dane begged to hold my new phone and push some buttons. I put it on a program where he could do this. While happily pushing buttons he wet his pants again, getting urine all over my brand new phone.

I needed a chai tea. I got a chai tea.

We got home and while trying to carry in my purse/diaper bag/duffle bag and a baby carrier with a baby and my pee covered phone I spilled my tea.

It was dinner and bath time. I bathed Johanna. After her bath, while wrapped in a towel, she SPRAYED poop all over the floor. It was on my shirts, pants, all down her, and in puddles on the floor. While Greg ran to my aid she began round two. More on us, more on the floor. I whisked her to a towel on the floor to clean her up and DIAPER THE KID. She loves to play with her feet. She cocked her feet back, aimed, and fired round three.

I stood in my underwear starting a load of laundry that included three towels, my sweatshirt and jeans, and other various casualties of the great poop of 2010.

Johanna has a nasty cold and I haven't slept in days.

I must be in need of humbling today because I have been covered in bodily fluids for the past five hours. Lesson learned. I am a humbled mommy servant who is not too cool or wearing clothes too nice to be covered in baby poop.

I jokingly told Johanna that she had earned herself 100 demerits. Nathan looked stricken and said, "NO SHE DIDN'T MOMMY, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT!!!!!!"

Folks, it's time for bed.

To you, with love

Kickin' it Jones style

A pictorial update, for your viewing pleasure

The kids did cute things like sleep on the floor camping style.

AUBREY TURNED SIX!!

THE KIDS TOOK AWESOME PICTURES WITH GRANDMA AND GRANDPA!!

ME AND MY GIRLS, BECAUSE WE ARE PRECIOUS

MAYFIELD LAKE, LABOR DAY WEEKEND 2010

BAUERSFELDS AND JONESES

Throwing rocks in the lake

A daddy and his baby girl

A mama with her baby and a really small lighthouse

Aubrey girl

A Danish monkey

100 watt smile Nathan

Big Dane and Little Dane

Sweet Baby Drew

Little Miss Anna

AUBREY STARTS KINDERGARTEN!!

WEEKEND VISIT WITH THE BAERLOCHERS

Baby Johanna and Baby Max (born one week apart)

The rest of our combined crew. Four kids for each family, all in six years or less.