The gift of perspective.

Happy Valentine's Day! I hope that you are all enjoying a little extra lovin' from your loved ones today.

Greg gave me a gift certificate to a local spa for a manicure and a pedicure. It also was accompanied with the instructions that when it came time to use it I was to make a day of it: pair it up with a little shopping and a haircut. The idea that someday in my life I will be able to do something like that again was probably the best gift of all. Let's not kid around. Three kids in three and a half years is not for the faint of heart. I have had several moments, as I have with all our babies, where I have thought, is this really my life??? At it's best it's a moment of wonder, looking at the amazing family you helped create. At its worst it is despair that you will never sleep again, that your children will always be tantruming almost two year olds, and that you will never ever accomplish any task, start to finish, without interruption. Today was the latter for sure and it was nice to be reminded that in a few short months we will be able to get away for a date, that we will have evenings to ourselves again, and that Nathan, God willing, will have returned to being our sweet little boy and not the crazy bi-polar child he is right now.

I'm also hoping that life will fee more sane once we aren't at Shriners all the time. It is exhausting there all the time. Aubrey and Nathan have been troopers but everyday??? It's too much. The next two weeks we will be there twice a week and after that once a week for the rest of the year. It would be more efficient just to live out of our van, parked in the front space of the Shriner's parking garage.

Duty calls, my husband has been bouncing a hysterical baby long enough.

Dane's feet

Yeah, yeah yeah.  I know, you want pictures.  How about on the next post?

We had a follow up at Shriners today.  After over two weeks of stretches, Dane's feet, the right one in particular, were WORSE.  They look the same but they were stiffer and he got a worse club foot rating.  They still aren't calling his right foot a true club foot because it's the bones of his actual foot that are turning in, not the heel and leg bones that turn a club foot in.  This, for a number of confusing reasons, makes him not a great candidate for casting.  So, now we are doing a process of taping (think taping a sprained ankle all you former athletes) and splinting.  This process forces his foot in a correct position. 

This new development is a bit overwhelming.  I have an appointment everyday this week at Shriners to learn the taping process.  It's not just a matter of taping but also knowing how to hold the foot in the right position while doing it.  Once we know how to do it we will be responsible for not only doing the exercises but taping his leg every day.  We will do this until he walks independently. That feels like a LONG LONG time.  Once we get through this week it will be better.  For tonight, the idea of getting the whole family up and out the door by 7:15 for an 8 a.m. appointment actually seems impossible.  I'll let you know if it is.  

Do you see the terror in my eyes??

For those of you who don't have kids, this may be new information, but newborns sleep a lot.  And many a new parent has said, "OH, he/she has the sweetest disposition, he/she hardly ever cries."  Then, a few weeks later this newborn "wakes up" and suddenly they aren't so sweet anymore.  Or they are.  The point is that you can't judge a new baby's temperament in the first few weeks.  They all sleep a lot and most seem like little angels.

Which brings me to my point.  Dane is waking up.  And frankly, for lack of a better word, he is generally pissed off.  Maybe it's being born in freezing cold January with over a foot of snow on the ground.  Maybe he knows he's the third kid and really getting jipped on the attention front.  Whatever the case may be he is not proving to be a happy kid.  My saving grace is that he still sleeps a lot which gives me and the other kids a reprieve.  On the flip side, when he is awake, he is happy for oh, about 3 minutes of that time.  And while life still is okay since he does sleep hours each day, I am terrified.  I am already working hard and I'm afraid that when he's really up during the day that I'm in for it.  Makes me think of that line.  "Be afraid.  Be very, very afraid."

Oh, and in case you haven't heard me say it yet, we are done having babies.  I love the three I have but three is enough.  I mean it Angela.  :-)

Almost two weeks

I thought everyone would like to see some new pictures.

My help is leaving today so tomorrow begins real life. AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Club feet?? Not me!

We had a GREAT appointment at Shriner's today. First, a plug for Shriner's. They were remarkable. The friendliest staff, the most child oriented facility I have ever been, the most comprehensive health care team. It was incredible. If you need a charity to donate to, think of them.

But onto our boy. When the doc came in he said that his feet looked like clubbed feet. Once he started manipulating them though he said they felt nothing like clubbed feet. They have good range of motion, flexibility, a perfectly developed heel (we learned that clubbed feet often have an under developed heel bone) and moving them wasn't painful to Dane. He told us that the position was almost certainly positional from the way Dane was lying in utero. So, no casts! We had a consultation with a PT who spent a half an hour going over several different exercises we have to do for Dane. They help to relax his heel and Achilles tendon and gently encourage his feet to turn out. The exercises take about 20 minutes to do on both feet and we have to do them 3-5 times a day so it is time consuming, but obviously worth it. We go back in two weeks to have them reevaluated but the doc said it was as mild of a case as they come. They score club feet on a scale from 0-20, 20 being the worst. They gave Dane's feet a 2. We were so pleased, this should be a very painless, easy fix.

Thanks for all the prayers, they sure were answered!

Circumcision, Shmircumcision

I know, a new post without any pictures.  I promise to be a better mom on the next post.  For now though, I am here to discuss the fact that I am a lemming.  I joined the pack and dove off the cliff.  Why?  Because everyone else was doing it.

We circumcised Nathan and it was not a good experience.  They let me go back during the procedure which was a bad idea.  He screamed the entire time and I cried.  It's one thing to inflict pain on your kid, you know, so they don't die of some awful disease, but it's a whole other thing to do it because a lot of other people are doing it.  Unfortunately, Greg and I didn't feel like 2/3 of the men in the house should be circumcised so off I went again today, to inflict the same pointless procedure on Dane.  And he handled it about as well as Nathan did.  Which is to say that he screamed and screamed and screamed and has cried during all wakeful periods today.  If I had it to do all over again I wouldn't do it at all.  I mean, seriously, what is the point?  According to recent studies, only about 50%of boys are currently circumcised and that number is even smaller in western US.  So there goes the whole  "different in the locker room " theory.  And, no health benefits.  So, no perks and my sweet boy, crying and crying all day long...

  I think I'm done having kids, just so we don't run the risk of having another boy that we feel obligated to circumcise.  A lemming I tell you, a lemming.

Dane Warren Jones

As I never anticipated that it would take me almost a week to get this post up, most of this news will be old to my dear blog readers.  Nonetheless, it is still wonderful, blog worthy news.  Our baby boy, Dane Warren, was born on Monday, January 14, at 11:59 a.m.  He weighed in at 8 lbs. 8 oz. (NOT 9 lbs. 13 oz.) and was 20.5 inches long.  I had a very smooth delivery, really only being in active labor for a little over four hours.  I also had a delicious epidural this time around, something I didn't have with Nathan.  After my experience with Dane all I could think was, why on earth wouldn't I get another one of these???  My recovery has been a piece of cake.  I have felt great since the first hour after delivery and have been good since. 

We are also happy to say that Dane's feet are not nearly as bad as we were afraid they would be.  The feet themselves are perfectly formed, an excellent sign.  One is turned in more than the other but neither one is terrible.  They both have decent range of motion as well, another good sign.  We have a consultation at Shriners next Friday and that will determine our course of action.  We are confident that any corrections that need to be made are going to be minor and our little boy will be off and running in no time.  

We are all adjusting as well as can be expected.  Dane is such an adorable baby and has been breaking us in gently.  Thank God for all the sleep newborns require!  We can already tell that he has a gentle little spirit.  Aubrey has taken to being a big sister again without any hesitation.  She LOVES Dane, is a great helper, and doesn't seem to even notice the change in our lives.  Nathan on the other hand has had a rougher time.  It is a combination of a lot of change, a cold he is suffering through, and just being 19 months old.  He hasn't been aggressive or mean towards Dane, just VERY out of sorts.  Mommy guilt is hard on me, I just wish I could do everything for everyone.  Greg assures me that Nathan will come through this no worse for the wear but in the meantime I worry about being able to give anyone the attention they really deserve.  I know this feeling will ease as life gets into more of a pattern.  In the meantime we'll just do the best we can and take it one day at a time.  

We haven't entered real life yet because Greg is home this week and my mom is coming this week.  Speaking of Greg, he is a saint.  I don't know what I would have done without him this week.  Cleaning, kid care, meal prep, the night shift, he has done it all.  I am going to relish my help while I have it.  I think we are going to be fine though.  I have precious, good kids and am so thankful for another sweet, healthy, baby boy.  Welcome to the family Dane!

How to break a heart

Aubrey broke mine today.  At bedtime I was feeling sentimental (last night I'll put my kids to bed as a family of four) and was snuggling with my girl.  She very gently touched my face and said, "I will always be with you.  Will you always be with me?"  Yes, I really did cry.  She is so beautiful.

Earlier, she asked me if she could wear one of my earrings.  I explained that I had my ears pierced and that she didn't so they wouldn't work.  She then asked if she could have her ears pierced.  I told her that it was something for big girls and that besides, it hurt.  She told me she was going to ask her daddy.  She went downstairs and I heard her ask Greg if she could pierce her ears.  He thought I had put her up to it and he started to laugh and said, "Did Mommy tell you to ask me that?"  The look on her face was awful.  She thought he was laughing at her, she had been serious when she asked, and her whole face crumbled.  She started to cry, not obnoxious tantrum crying, but you-have-crushed-my-tender-spirit crying.  We both felt terrible.  We finally consoled her with the promise to look for some play clip-on earrings.  Good heavens.  Sometimes I think I love my kids too much.  It's like walking around with your heart on the soles of your feet.  

Then there was Greg.  He told me he'd make me whatever I wanted for dinner tonight.  That included my aunt's blueberry cream cheese french toast bake and "better than sex" cake (it really almost is).  Truly, a man among men.

And Nathan, my precious boy, was his usual sweet self.  Funny, wanting to "see" everything, and nuzzling my face.  Man, the hormones must be running high.  I'm one big drippy, weepy, sentimental mess today.

The next post should be of our new baby.  Keep us in your prayers!

"Come to me all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest..."

I have always liked that verse (Matthew 11:28-30 for those who are interested) but I think Jesus might have been speaking directly to largely pregnant women.  Weary?  Check.  Burdened? Check.  Good news though?  There is an end in sight!

I am due tomorrow and we had an ultrasound and appointment today.  The ultrasound was to make a guess at size and check amniotic fluid levels.  The appointment was to establish that I may never have this baby on my own.  While ultrasounds this late in a pregnancy can be off by a pound in either direction, the baby was estimated at weighing 9 lbs. 12 oz.  Seriously.  I also have a lot of fluid, all of which equals enormous Sara.  My doc told me flat out that he didn't want me to go another week.  That is at least another half a pound of weight the baby would put on and greatly increases my risk of c-section.  Enough said.  Sign me up for an induction!

If I don't go into labor onto my own, I will be induced Sunday night.  They will do a low dose of pitocin Sunday night with the hope that by Monday morning I will be dilated to 3 and he can break my water.  (I was dilated to 2 today.)  The hope is that will be enough to kick me into labor and I can progress on my own from there.  So, unless you hear other wise, think of me come Sunday.  Let's get ready to welcome baby Trey!

Who do I think I'm kidding?

I was all set to write a post reflecting on the end of the holiday season, the joy of a new year (okay, I actually hate the month of January) and the beauty of the winter season when I realized, who cares?!?!  I sure don't.  The only thing we need to talk about is that I'm still pregnant, looks as though I will still be come my due date, and am unendingly cranky.  My mom had mentioned when I was about 20 weeks along that I become rather testy at the end of my pregnancies and I replied, in all sincerity, "Really?  It doesn't seem like I'm that bad."  OH, I am a LIAR!  I am that bad, I am that crabby, and I am THAT READY TO NOT BE PREGNANT.

I have an appointment on Wednesday and due to my large measurements they are scheduling an ultrasound.  I'm sure the doc will force an induction date on me at that time as well and frankly, I'll take it.  I need a reminder that I am actually harboring a precious life inside of me, not just growing exponentially larger with every minute for the joy of not being able to bend over.

I will post some cute pictures tomorrow when I'm full of joy and self-reflection.  For now, you get a small taste of what my husband is living with.  CRANKY, CRANKY SARA.