Oh, the places you'll go!

Dane, as his crawling adventures lead him under the kitchen table.Yummy, who needs to sweep when I'm willing to anything off the floor?
Like this chair, it's delicious!
Aubrey, writing her name with "curly cues".
After Dane's under the table photo shoot Nathan stuck out his lip and said, "What about me?" Who can resist a face like that?

How low can you go

WARNING: The following post is a long long diatribe on the difficulties of being a parent in the Jones house these days. Let go of guilt and skip reading it if you frankly aren't interested. I'll never know.


It is SO HARD being a parent in our house these days. Although the symptoms are varied the primary disease is one thing: utter, unrelenting, merciless, exhaustion.

As of November I will have been pregnant or nursing, without a day's reprieve, for the past five years. These are years of interrupted sleep at best, head pounding, I haven't slept in weeks exhaustion at the bottom. We are at the bottom these days and not only are Greg and I losing the battle, I think we both feel like we are losing the war.

Dane is obviously the primary culprit. We cannot seem to get him out of our room. He is not a good sleeper and so inconsistent that it makes putting him in with Aubrey and Nathan impractical. Yet, he's big enough that when he is in our room with us he cries and wails, knowing that we are lying inches away, wanting to scream ourselves. So, Greg and I have been sleeping on a futon mattress on the floor of the play room on a semi-permanent basis until Dane sleeps well enough that he can join his siblings. There is no sign of this happening any time soon. To further the indignity of our sleeping arrangement, when Nathan ran downstairs naked tonight to get his blankies he took the liberty of first standing on our bed and peeing all over it. I won't lie, I actually cried.

The other sleep issue relates to us just having three little kids. Imagine if you will one little kid waking up once at night needing a drink of water. No big deal, right? Now imagine that both older kids do that in conjunction with the baby who is rarely up less than twice. We now have four opportunities for mommy and daddy to drag themselves out of bed. It is RARE that we get more than two hours of uninterrupted sleep. Can you see why after months (really, years) of this we are close to insanity?

As anyone knows, exhaustion clouds everything. I am impatient. I am short. I am easily frustrated and not able to see past the small things. I am not the mom or wife I want to be. Greg and I spend our evening snuggled together in front of the t.v., too stinking tired to do something more interesting. As a mom who is often motivated by guilt this is a recipe for one big guilt pie. I'm not present and engaged with my kids, I'm not thinking of interesting crafts, I dream of whole days spent with the kids parked in front of movies while I never move from a horizontal position, and I am so frustrated because I know I can be so much better than this. DO you want to know what exhaustion plus guilt equals? Resentment.

It is a bad bad feeling to resent your kids. It doesn't happen very often but it's been happening lately. Both Nathan and Dane have colds that compound the situation. And I feel resentful. I had a long dentist appointment yesterday morning and my teeth pounded all day. Yet, I continued to nurse babies and feed kids, and settle fights (I just spelled fight "fite". That is what tired does to you.), and read books and try to be interesting and supportive and sing songs and remember how many servings of vegetables the kids had and how much exercise they got and deal with Aubrey's UNENDING ARGUING ABOUT EVERYTHING, and clean up all the puke Dane gets on the floor and make dinner and still be patient patient patient. By the end of yesterday and today I wanted to scream. I am so so so so so stinking tired. Oh, and in case you were wondering, resentment just breeds more guilt.

Yep, more guilt because I have pictures of kids who are being treated at St. Jude's Hospital on my fridge and I'm so blessed that my kids are healthy. We got new family pictures and I look at that picture and think that I would DIE if one thing happened to any of them. And my Grandma had eight kids and lived in a house the size of my garage, literally, and brought her wash to a laundry mat and grew and harvested and cooked and canned all their food. My other grandmother lived snowed in half the year with her five small kids and no sanity breaks and no Starbucks. Something tells me that they weren't getting a solid eight hours of sleep a night either. Besides, what do we want from these babies of ours? They are little little children and they just do the things that little children do. They are the most precious, worthwhile, amazing endeavors we have ever taken on. But the unending work of it all tends to take the shine off. And have I mentioned the exhaustion?

This blog is such good therapy for me. I suppose I shouldn't need to vent my frustrations in a public forum but I hope that there are some other parents out there that can relate to this feeling. Parenting is awesome. Kids are a gift from God. I will never have another job that is of greater consequence than the one I am doing now. And is it hard hard hard hard work, the hardest I have ever done.

Oh, and if you're wondering why I'm typing this rather than sleeping, it's because Dane has been up and crying. Crying because his nose is plugged and he's cutting six teeth and because he's a baby. Trust me, in this house, there is no rest for the weary.

Final note. I did not have it in me to spell check this thing. If you have made it to this far I will assume that you overlooked the typos.

A body in motion stays in motion...

...unless an outside force acts upon it. Thank you Newton for perfectly describing the Jones children. The only things that seem to slow them down are food, forced naps, and time outs. Enjoy!

p.s. I must credit Jenny with inspiring me to post pictures of Dane crawling. Her Anna is a crawler now and I loved the video of her showing off her new moves. Also, while I know you have seen jumping pictures of Aubrey and Nathan before, you haven't seen these, and you haven't seen ones of Aubrey wearing her adorable new birthday outfit. Thanks Baerlocher Family!

The world as kids see it

Here are some cute just because pictures.Dane, thinking he is awesome because he can sit and get to crawling and terrorize his sibling's territory. Note the obligatory puke on his shirt that is a constant part of him.
Dane rocking out with G&G Montgomery. He is so musically inclined.
The best of friends until they are swinging bats at each other and pinching one another under the table.


If you are sick of funny stories about the things my kids say that I find hilarious and brilliant stop now.

I was taking Aubrey to gymnastics and her and Nathan were in the far back of the van. Aubrey was explaining the difference between little and big people to Nathan.

"I AM BIG!"

"No Nathan, you're not big. You're little."

"Oh, I'm little." (Nathan thinks every word Aubrey utters is gospel truth.)

"Yes. And Mommy is big."

"Oh-tay, Mommy is big."

"Yes, very big. Mommy is humongous. Nathan, she is humongous."

"Humongous? OH, Mommy is a giant!"

"A giant? No, Mommy is not a giant. DADDY IS A GIANT!"

Nathan, sounding sincerely tearful, "No, Daddy is not a giant. Daddy is my daddy."

"Okay. Daddy is not a giant. But he is VERY HUMONGOUS!"

Oh, the things they say

Some history on this story. Aubrey has lately been telling us little lies, like, "No, I did not hit Nathan", as I see the red mark on his arm and the guilt on her face. We have been discussing what lies are, what truth is, and why telling the truth is important. That brings us to today.

Aubrey did not want to nap. She told me she would be scared even though she has napped in our bedroom since she was two. She told me that she was scared of the fan so I turned it off and covered it with a towel. She told me that she would be so lonely. I proceeded to explain to her why she didn't need to be scared, why the fan wasn't scary and why I frankly didn't care if she was lonely. Aubrey was in a huff now and said with her most serious voice, "MOM, I am telling you the truth, you are telling me LIES!" I couldn't help myself, I laughed out loud. She was ticked that I laughed at her, which I agree stinks, so I pulled myself together and restated my case. She continued to frown at me and said, "Hmm, more lies." Man, I had to leave the room, I was shaking from trying not to laugh out loud. Stinking hilarious kids.

Word to Your Mother

So, if you have kids, you know how they completely take you for granted?  They live under the constant assumption that you enter each day delighted with the prospect of fulfilling their every want and need and that you require no sort of thanks (be that verbal or in chocolate) to continue doing this for the next twenty years.  You have to actually teach children empathy, sympathy, and  kindness towards others because it just doesn't come naturally.  And even then they still don't really get how much you do for them until they become parents themselves.

Now skip forward 25 years.

I STILL seem to expect my mother to do all of the above things with nary a nod of gratitude.  After reflecting back on this weekend I couldn't help but think of all the things my mom did to make my life easier.  I think I threw in a couple of, oh yeah, thanks, in there but nothing that really summarizes all she did this weekend.  So Mom, this is for you!

1.  For lunch on Saturday afternoon, before the party, Mom brought over homemade bread and all the fixings for sandwiches so that I didn't have to worry about feeding everyone.  She then got everything out and ready and cleaned up.

2.  Thinking in advance, she brought over an extra frying pan to help make millions of pancakes in.  She also brought over a box of peaches to cut up and put on the pancakes.

3.  She then proceeded to peel all the peaches (thank you David for chopping!) and stand over the stove and make every last pancake.

4.  I went upstairs to throw some dirty dish towels in my hamper only to find it missing.  My mom over the course of the weekend did ALL OF MY WASH.  It was clean and folded and ready to put away when I went downstairs last night.

5.  On Sunday my parents watched the kids for us while Greg and I got a rare date.  While I was out they bought pizza for everyone.  Add to this the fact that Greg and I didn't think once about leaving our kids with them because they are so competent.  That is a gift itself.

6.  Mom and Dad let Aubrey spend not only the night with them on Saturday night but sleep in between them in their bed.  That is until Mom finally moved to the air mattress on the floor that was supposed to be for Aubrey.  I figure sacrifice on behalf of grandchildren is a sacrifice on my behalf as well.

7.  I would find mom just picking up.  I saw her clean up all the blocks Nathan had spewed over the toy room.  She did dishes, swept, and any other little chore that she saw.  

8.  Oh, and she brought over all the paper plates and utensils that we used over the weekend.

9.  She fed Dane, held Dane, wiped faces, changed diapers, cleaned up puke (thank you Dane for always adding that special treat to any occasion), and snuggled grandkids.

Honestly, I know I a forgetting probably half of what she did but those are the highlights.  Please remember too that she did all of this without once being asked.  I mean really, if I'm half the mom she is than I'll be setting my kids up for life!

p.s.  Lest you think I don't love my dad, he pretty much rocks too.  He is the first person to move you to the sixth floor apartment, build you a printer stand, spend hours looking for the right ethernet card, spend an hour outside with your kids when they are driving you nuts, offer to clean their hands with Comet Bleach cleaner (sorry, I couldn't resist but that is actually true.  I declined.), call you from the hotel that is 2 minutes from your house to let you know they got their safely since they have your baby girl with them, fill your car up with gas, get you a Starbucks when you just look like you have to have one, and obviously many other things.  I had to give a round of thanks to my mommy this time though because she made my whole weekend easier.  Thanks Mom and Dad!

How to turn four years old

To properly turn four you need the following things in varying doses:  your favorite heart dress, french braids in your hair, a purple star cake with your name on it (the description of her cake was VERY specific), nearly 20 family members, pancakes with whip cream and fruit, chocolate milk, an obscene pile of presents, your diva "I'm the Birthday Girl" personality, tearing through said presents with feverish haste as though your brother could jump in at any moment and open them for you, basking in the glow of the attention as everyone sings to JUST YOU, blowing out the candles, not touching your cake or ice cream because you are stuffed with pancakes, spending the night by yourself with Grandma Julie and Grandpa Wayne in their hotel room, going swimming at the hotel, eating a doughnut for breakfast, watching way too many movies, watching just one more movie because "It's still my birthday", playing with new presents, screaming at Nathan for touching the new presents, asking when you will turn five, throwing just one tantrum about tags being too scratchy on your new dress, sleeping like a rock because you aren't napping and are exhausted, and saying over and over again, "Aren't birthdays fun?"  Yes my dear Aubrey, they are so much fun.  

Happy Birthday honey, we love you!

The queen bee herself
Grandma Marian and Grandpa Jones with 3/4 of their grandkids
Grandma Julie and Grandpa Wayne holding 1/2 of their grandkids.
My grandparents meeting their newest great-granddaughter Claire
The excitement of birthday morning

What's so funny KayLynn?

Uncle David, may I eat your food off your plate with my hands?
Uncle Matt is jealous that he didn't get any presents.  Aunt Lianna is consoling him.
The curly haired girls
I am the third child and always along for the ride
My first Barbie doll.  Aunt Hannah played with it the most.
It only took three tries to blow them out.
Uncle David said the cake looked like it should be at a Bat Mitzvah, being as it looks suspiciously like the star of David.  
I ROCK!
Being four is awesome!
When do I get my piece of cake??

A mover and a shaker

Dane is a man on the move! He has been mobile for some time now, but in a non-linear, frustrating as heck fashion. He rolls to things, gets up on his hands and knees and then goes backwards. This annoys him into a fit where he rolls onto his back and kicks and cries until he tries it again. This has been going on for quite sometime.

Today however, something clicked. He got up on his hands and knees and rather than push back or collapse and roll he lunged forward. And looked around like holy cow, did anyone else see that?? So he did again. And again and again. This is no traditional crawling. It's an up and lunge and flatten and up again. But it is forward a purposeful and amazingly fast. Thus ends Sara's life as she currently knows it.

He's a moose!

Okay, so moose might be an exaggeration but Dane's weight check appointment today went well. He was 17 lbs. 2 oz. That means over the last three weeks he has put on about a half an ounce a day and stabilized at about the 15th percentile for weight. Both the doc and I were happy with this. As long as his weight stays consistent it doesn't matter where on the chart he falls. The funnier thing to me is that since his 6 month appointment he has grown over 2 inches, to 29 1/4 inches today. That put him at the 95th percentile for length! Those stats seem more reptilian than human but we are satisfied none the less.

The doc said his only concern was for our future grocery bill. He said Dane is the sort of kid who as a teenage will eat 7000 calories a day and struggle to maintain 110 lbs. Since Dane is going to be "wispy" (as Greg put it), he'd better learn how to outrun his brother because there is nothing wisp like about our Nathan! As for Aubrey, it wont' matter her physical size, I have no doubt that she will rule the roost!

School Days, School Days

I graduated from college six years ago. I assumed I was done. College education, check. I have lost millions of brain cells from sleep deprivation. I haven't studied anything other than the side of a bottle of baby Tylenol in years. I have attempted to start complicated Bible studies over and over again and fail because I can't concentrate, milk gets spilled on my papers, and I fall asleep working. I use my old nursing textbooks as coasters.


I am thinking about going back to school.

The problem is that the job that I seem to enjoy is school nursing. Sounds easy, right? Kids get bigger, start school, Sara gets dreamy school nursing school in her children's school. Great schedule, educational requirements already met. Slam dunk.

Except it's not. I have a nursing education and nursing license but to work in the schools I had to get an Educational Staff Associate (ESA) certificate. I got my initial certificate several years ago and it expires in 2010. That means that if I want to go back to school nursing in the future I have to renew my certificate. The catch is that the renewal requires 30 semester credits of more education. A master's degree is 40 credits. Doesn't make much sense to do 75% of a degree so, enter stage right, THE MASTERS DEGREE.

There are options of course. I don't have to be a school nurse. But I really want to be. I loved the work. It is community based, health promoting, working with kids and adults, lots of education and teaching, and void of miserable hospital hours. I don't work weekends, holidays, or summers. I'm off for the day when the kids get off. Both Greg and I agree that is is the way to go. So, back to stage right, THE MASTERS DEGREE.

I am a good student and enjoy school but the thought of doing it with THREE KIDS is mind boggling. Greg and I discussed it last night and it seems like sooner is better than later. The kids' schedules are only going to get busier and it would be great to be ready to go when Dane starts school, rather than fumbling around with finishing, or just starting. Of course, with all the kids in school my days would be more free, but I'd be spending money, not earning it. Besides, will it ever really be easy?

Greg is very much behind me going back. This is essential because if I do it will be a family endeavor. There are so many logistics we'd have to work through, including my schedule, Greg's schedule, where the kids are, when do I study, who is doing laundry, and has anyone fed the cats in the past three days??

The fun side is that the idea of learning something and using my brain is very appealing. The program I'm interested in is a Masters in Nursing/Community Based-Population Focused degree with an emphasis in education. It's offered here in town at the nursing school I graduated from. Full time looks to be a three semester program but I have inquiries in about part time programs. Nursing classes are tricky time wise because a clinical will be given 3 credits but consume 20 hours a week. I want to be careful about not sending myself and our family to the loony bin while doing this.

So, does anyone know someone who has gone back to school with a house full of little kids? I know it's done but were they sane? Was their family? Are we nuts to even be considering this? If you have any interesting anecdotes or bits of wisdom I'd love to hear them. For now, I think I'll start sharpening my #2 pencils and dusting off my brain.