You are still a baby until you learn to walk

Our sweet JoJo Beans, Johannanana, Jo, Johanninani, JuJuBe, JOHANNA, turned one yesterday. She earned herself four demerits for growing up so darn fast. And then gained them back again when she spent the entire day looking ridiculously adorable.

Short of her Aunt Hannah and Uncle Jason, Johanna's entire family on both sides was here to see her eat her first piece of cake and watch her wide eyes as everyone sang her happy birthday. She was a magnificent birthday girl, basking in the attention and rewarding everyone with crinkle nosed smiles. I am floored to think that my baby, MY BABY BABY, is one year old. She is such a beautiful little blessing and sometimes I think I might just dunk her in chocolate, spray on the whip cream, and eat her up she's so sweet. Our family wasn't complete until Princess Pampers came along. Johanna, you are loved beyond your understanding. And aren't allowed to grow a single centimeter more.










Let me tell you something Johanna. Just because you turned one doesn't mean you aren't my baby. Heck, from what I can tell you have signed yourself up to be MY baby for life. So there.

When a man loves his daughter

I don't cry over everything. But that little Aubrey girl has done me in. I have cried more than once this week about how big she is getting. And these pictures of her and her daddy prepping or the Father/Daughter dance? You get bet your butt I cried over these.










(What would actually happen if you bet your butt and lost? Would that even be a bad thing?)

Dane's hilarious melt down

Today Dane didn't nap. Dane is 3 1/2 and REQUIRES a nap. He didn't nap because at nap time he and Nathan were playing super heroes together and when I said it was nap time Nathan looked at me with trembling lips and tearful eyes and said, "Mama, can Dane please rest with me? He is my brother and I want him to be with me." Frankly, I was powerless to do anything but let them "rest" (let's use that word very loosely) together after that heartfelt speech. I might have even given them each a treat just for being precious.

Tonight however Dane was a hot mess. (The term "hot mess" comes from a hilarious friend. You know who you are!) He was weepy. He was irrational. He was flushed and droopy eyed and taking to random fits of quiet sobbing. So deep was his despair that Greg and I couldn't do anything but laugh at his misery. As we put him to bed he lost it completely and made the following wailing proclamations:

"MY BED IS SO BORING! (SOB.) I LIKED IT YESTERDAY BUT TODAY IT IS BORING AND I WANT IT TO NOT BE BORING!"

"There is something wet on my pillow! It might be drool!! (Greg flips his pillow, a vision of fatherly patience.) OH MAN, it's wet again! Daddy, it is the wet things sliding down my face that are making it wet. WHERE IS THE DRY SIDE?!?!?!"

"i ONLY WANT TWO BLANKETS! OH MAN, THEY ARE SCRIBBLY!! (I take one blanket away.) WHY DID YOU TAKE MY BLANKET, WHY ARE YOU MAKING ME COLD???"

"Daddy, will you read another story?" (Greg says no, it is way too late. He deduced this since Dane was asking this while lying on the floor, flapping his arms and crying.) "OH MAN, but I need another story so that I won't forget the story!!"

At this point Aubrey lost it and shouted, "Why are you such a whinie??" Dane screamed, "STOP IT STOP IT STOP IT!!!"

One second later he was asleep.

Optimus Prime turns five

Ladies and Gentlemen, I'd like to announce that Nathan Paul Jones is now five years old. This means that he can stand on his head, walk around without a shirt on, make Aubrey whine with uncanny consistency, ask inquisitive parent stumping questions, love to read Magic Tree House books, and still cry if he thinks his mama didn't hear him say "I love you" before bed. He is my favorite Optimus Prime and I cannot believe he has been ours for five years. Nathan, you are on in a million, WE LOVE YOU!!!

The first half of the pictures are from Nathan's gymnastics party with friends. The second half are from the more subdued, no legal liability forms required, home party on the night of his real birthday. He had a third mini celebration in Yakima this weekend with my family. That's my kid, milking a birthday for all its worth.

And it begins...

I called my mom this afternoon, irritated with all my kids. They were all being annoying. Johanna whining and begging at my feet, Dane trying to comb my hair with his child size broom, and Nathan head butting me in the rear OVER AND OVER AND OVER AGAIN. And Aubrey. She had put on her "self righteous I know everything panties" and couldn't stop critiquing and criticizing everyone.

I relayed a specific conversation I had with little miss Queen of the Whole World to my mother. My mom thought it was so funny that she emailed it out to the family. I am attaching her version of the conversation (which is verbatim) because I certainly could do no better.

And so begins the era in which my children think I'm lame for the next twenty years.

a equiv="Content-Style-Type" content="text/css">

A little background. Nathan got a pair of roller skates for his birthday yesterday and has been putting them on and taking them off several million times a day. Well, he puts them on and Sara has to take them off as he can't maneuver that feat. Also, Aubrey "is showing glimmers of entering that really obnoxious age". So here is a conversation that took place about an hour ago while Sara was removing Nathan's roller skates:

Aubrey: Mom, what are you doing?

Sara: Taking Nathan's roller skates off.

Aubrey (in a condescending disgusted voice): Why would you do that?

Sara (slightly irritated): Because he wants me too.

Aubrey (sanctimoniously): Well, he'll never get better if you keep taking his skates off.

Sara: (Gives Aubrey the stink eye and starts taking the other skate off)

Aubrey: What are you doing now?

Sara (dripping with sarcasm): I'm hunting Water Buffalo.

Aubrey (quite crankily): Mom, you know I hate it when you tease me.

Sara (crankier than Aubrey): WELL AUBREY, YOU CAN SEE WHAT I'M DOING!!!!

Aubrey (in a calm, rational voice): Why are you speaking harshly to me?

Let the pictures do the talking

My blogging mojo has been sucked into a vortex of busyness. In penance I am giving you what you want anyways, a few pictures.

Because of how blogger loaded my pictures giving them individual captions is nearly impossible. However, in no particular order, you will find Nathan flexing what his mama gave him, Dane double fisting pickles, Aubrey showing off a new toothless grin, Johanna channelling Nicole Richie, misc. Easter pictures, Nathan mowing the lawn, Johanna rocking the hat I made her, and a cute one of Greg with the kids on his birthday. Enjoy!

And I think to myself, what a wonderful world

Oh man, that is one corny subject line. Go ahead, reread it. CORNY.

BUT TRUE.

I guess it was more like a wonderful weekend but still. A wonderful weekend that is a reflection of a wonderful life. You know, good husband, good kids, good friends, good wine. Okay, so I don't drink wine but it fit the motif of cheesy sayings. Next I'll be talking about how I "LIVED, LAUGHED, AND LOVED" this weekend.

This is why it was a great weekend.

Greg and I hired a great baby sitter and went to a dueling piano lounge on Friday night. It was fabulous! Two guys playing incredible piano, fun crowd interaction, songs on request, warm flat bread and hummus to snack on, and dancing. I can't remember the last time we went somewhere like that. College maybe??

The sun shown down on us and we got a ton of yard work done. By we I mean mostly Greg. He dug up a huge section of the border of our back yard that was being devoured by the weed OREGON GRAPE. It must be typed in caps because it is that nasty and that virulent and that hard to get rid of. He had to unwind all its nasty roots from around our underground sprinkler pipe. He mowed and trimmed and manicured the front lawn. He and his dad got our sprinkler system going. I pulled up some weed paper and kept Johann from ingesting too much dirt. The kids literally drank up the sun shine and became filthy little creatures, the way all kids should look on a beautiful spring day.

We celebrated Greg's birthday today with a BBQ. We had his parents over and our great friends, Angela and Justin, joined us after coming into town for Bloomsday. Food was delicious and the company better. Plus, the sun was shining. Greg makes a very handsome 34 year old, even cuter than when I met him at 21.

I swam a half mile without stopping, the entire distance I need to go for the triathlon I'm doing in August. It was awesome! I did pull out an Olympic style frog backstroke at the end because I was so tired but hey, I did it, and I get 30 bonus points for not drowning. The rest of my training is going great too. My darling friend Jenny talked me into this triathlon but I'm doing it for me now and it feels good.

All of our kids, even Johanna, got Bibles for Easter. It was been so exciting to see how excited they are about them. Nathan in particular seems the most spiritually sensitive of the kids right now and asks such thoughtful questions. He loves the stories of God's greatest miracles and asks us to read to him out of his new Bible all the time. Dane is still learning but he did march in to me this weekend, indignant and sad and said, "Mom, Nathan squished a spider but it is one of Jesus's creatures!" What do you say to that?? Aubrey has been working on reading the book of Esther to herself out of a real BIble. This is hard reading for her but after I summarized the book for her she was sold. What girl doesn't want to read about a girl who is used by God, becomes a princess, and saves her people?

What else? I'm sure there is more but for now I'm going to go and snuggle with my husband. What a wonderful weekend!

My life as a status update

I do not have my own Facebook account, although I spy on Greg's all the time. I don't know why I do it, I don't know half the people but the voyeur in me enjoys it. I won't do Facebook because heaven only knows how much of my life it would suck away. Blogs and Greg's Facebook do enough of that already!

However, there is the occasion where I think I need a status update, not a whole blog post. Here are a few that have come to mind recently:

"Aubrey and Nathan asked if I would pray with them to ask Jesus into their hearts. April 16, 2011 was an exceptionally good day."

"Get your scabies at the Jones house! Free to good home."

"Mommy, I love my boxer briefs because they grow in deep dark forests." (Dane, age 3)

"The kids play area at McDonalds was closed after some of the kids reported a puddle of pee in a tunnel. How did they know it was pee and not water?"

"Johanna does what we call 'turtling'. Our 10 month old, crawling, pulling to stand, trying to climb stairs baby doesn't roll from her back to stomach. So there she will lie, just like a turtle."

"Nathan wants roller skates for his birthday and a chance to see a real live tornado and see if it whips him off his feet. You now know my son."

"Aubrey called Greg 'Jimmy' after the boy in a Shel Silverstein poem who watched so much t.v. he turned into a t.v.. Thank you NBA playoffs."

"You too can make doll house furniture out of an egg carton! It will only cost you hours of your life with no return on your investment."

"The three things Aubrey cried about today was not being allowed to wear a spring tank dress due to frost and snow, how the clip I put in her hair was not smooth enough, and the injustice of Nathan calling her 'stinky'."

"Easter weekend plans: Yakima for eating, easter egg dying, eating, eating dessert, easter egg hunt, eating ice cream, movie, church, easter baskets, eating, nap, eating, going for a run, eating more not less, sleeping, and a final round of eating."

"This just in. Chai tea spilled on Canon camera does not improve outcome of photos."

GOOD NIGHT!

Aubrey as "Sally O'Mally"

Here is Aubrey, channeling Molly Shannon. If you need a refresher on the original check out the link. My kids are hilarious!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aiehDcVZ-vA

The fake laugh is a Jones trait

Greg rocks a really bad fake laugh and I can't believe how fast Johanna has caught on. I hear this forced laugh from her more than I do a real one. Doesn't she look cute though in all her post eating glory?