Everyday when Greg gets home from work he asks me what I did that day. I often amaze myself as I recount the day's activities. A common day includes a trip to the grocery store, an art project, an outing to the park, making cookies, running through the sprinkler, scouring ads for coupons, to say nothing of the daily routine of child care, bathing, laundry, dishes, sweeping, reading stories, snuggles, and the million and one toys I pick up. When I think about it even I can't believe what I accomplish in a day!
It's because of efficiency. I am more efficient now that I have kids. It is a skill acquired accidentally while I got down to the business of having a family and I am better for it.
This got me thinking about other ways that marriage and parenthood have improved me. I am more efficient. I hope I'm more patient. I am a better communicator. I have found personal balance between house keeping and having space to just live. I look at my husband and kids and have a glimmer of how God feels about me. I have a more eternal perspective which gives everyday greater hope. I KNOW that I am a better person because of being a wife and mother.
I'd love some comments. How has marriage and/or parenthood made YOU a better person??
Friday, July 31, 2009
Better man (or woman)
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16 comments:
I'm definitely less efficient...but I'm much SMARTER, and better looking, and a snazzy dresser, and smell like a rose.
Seriously, I am infinitely more patient and empathetic than I was pre-marriage/children. And much more importantly, I'm much happier!
ps, that last post was David, NOT Jules...I didn't realize I was on her account.
I am one of those people who always wanted to be a mom. I was sure that I was meant to be a mom. Now that I am a mom I am positive I was meant to be a mom because well, I LOVE it and it has made me a better person in SO many ways. I will agree with being more efficient. I can't believe what I get done in a day, I really do amaze myself. But on the other hand the kids help me to slow down. I am the type who rush rush rushes everywhere I go and well you simply CAN'T do that with kids. Plus, they literally make me stop and smell the roses, look at the ducks, pick the flowers, look at the butterflies. All the beautiful things that I would never bother looking at if I didn't have small children.
I also feel like parenthood has made my marriage all the stronger. We are constantly working to be a united front and working as a team and it has brought Justin and I closer. We communicate all the time making sure we are on the same page, knowing full well we couldn't do it without one another's help.
Also, how can you leave out patience! I am not a super patient person, so this is something that I am certainly tested on hourly :)
Another key thing I have learned is selflessness. My mother always said, "it's in giving that we receive". Wow, do I see that now! :)
Most of all I think parenthood helped me to see that real things in life aren't things. Children really are a miracle. My husband and kids literally mean the world to me and I seriously don't know what I ever did or was without them. They truly make me very happy.
Um, Louesa is 2 1/2 -- this is NOT the time for me to talk about how parenthood has improved me. I think I'll wait another 18 months to evaluate--but by then Eve will be 2 1/2. Lately I've felt less patient, less loving, much less able to manage stress, and just a little to the sane side of that thin little line between mental freedom and One Flew Over the Cuckoo Cuckoo's Nest.
Now, marriage on the other hand is different. I'm married to a great man. He does not get angry or cranky. He helps around the house without being asked or prodded and constantly encourages me in life's routine. Because of Lance I am less stubborn, more generous, and maintain my integrity more often.
Okay, thank you Brittany, you've made me feel a little more normal. After reading this blog, I was sitting here thinking "what is wrong with me and why don't I feel this same way about my "motherhood" role?" I love Anna wiht every fiber in my body, but it is a rare day that I feel overwhelmed with patience, efficieny...and did I mention patience? Anna is only 1 1/2 so I feel somewhat upbeat that things will turn around, but I am not kidding when I say she acts like a 2 year old boy. Into EVERYTHING she should not be, taking any opportunity to RUN in the opposite direction of where we are, and constantly testing her boundries. I feel like my day is made up of one big NO and timeouts. I get tired of hearing myself telling her why she can't suck the red coloring out of her marker and why it is a BIG no no to run right into the middle of the road.
I hope that one day I can tell myself that I am more efficient, more patient, and more loving as a parent, but at this point, I still feel like I'm figuring this whole thing out. I know Dane and I are great parents and Anna is a very happy and loving little girl, but i guess these are just some deep dark secrets that are hard to admit at times.
I thank God every morning for my family...my husband is my rock. He on the other hand is extremely patient so at least one of us has that quality! Dane is loving and gentle and oh so patient with Anna. He melts my heart to watch him with Anna.
Dane is an adoring husband and makes me feel loved and special every day. I feel extremely blessed to have married my best friend who I can laugh with and have so much fun with every day. Here here to fabulous husbands and families!!!
Being a mother has changed me in so many ways....where to begin. I am definitely more patient, but considerably less efficient. I used to be able to get a TON of stuff done in a day, but it is much more difficult to run a zillion errands in a day with a baby in tow. With that said, I don't necessarily believe this is a bad thing. Not running around all day has allowed me to slow down, ask for help, RELAX a little, and not stress so much. Something I definitely needed! Being a mom has made me so incredibly happy (my baby is only 6 months old so I haven't hit the terrible 2s some of the other commenters mentioned) it is almost hard to explain. To quote a movie (lame I know), "my cup runeth over." And I truly feel that way.
On to being a wife....I've been married so long it's hard to remember what I was like single! :) I can't think how being a wife has changed me, but I can think of how Brian has changed me. It is so great being married to your best friend, the one you actually want to spend all of your time with (except the occassional hour or two when they really do get on your last nerve :)..happens to everyone right?). Brian makes me want to be a better person every single day. He puts me in check when I may be doing or saying something I shouldn't, ALWAYS helps me calm down when I am anxious or nervous about something, or everything, and promises he loves me more every day. Watching him play with our baby brings so much joy to my heart.
Oh, I wanted to mention, thank you for this post. It was actually nice having a brief moment of reflection. Something I think we all need to do now and again.
Okay, I didn't mean to get all sappy on ya all but I meant what I said about being a mom but I certainly haven't always felt that way. Let me be clear that their have been MANY days that I literally barely survived the day in this life of motherhood. Brittany, for me the transition from one to two kids was very very challenging and if you had asked me this question at that point I would have said a very similar response to yours and I would have added that I am done having children! You and Jenny are better people for being mom's I guarantee it. Give yourself some credit where credit is do. I guess I think about it like this, kids act crazy and the fact that we can stand to be around them for 5 minutes makes us much more patient beings. I apologize because I didn't mean to paint a perfect picture of our our life because it is far far far from perfect, but when you look at the big picture I really believe kids teach us to be better people.
After reading some of the responses (which I am loving!) I felt like I came across as arrogant. I am not perfect. My days are not perfect. I'm not perfectly patient, efficient, or holy.
What I wanted to convey is that every character trait that motherhood and being a wife forces me to address shapes me into a better human. Even on the days when I cry and scream.
I believe this for every mom out there. On the flip side of rough patches are lessons in endurance, grace, commitment, faith, gratitude when things go well, and love of bedtime. Amen!
Well, the cool thing, (I think) is that there is one constant on everyone's response. We all (myself included) can't imagine life without our best friends, our rocks, our lover, our husbands. We all adore the relationships we have with them and are all very blessed to have someone to share our lives with whom we are so compatible with. And ultimately, if a marriage is strong, the parenting will follow right behind, right?
P.S. Sara...I LOVE your daily blogs! (even if I don't comment much)Keep 'em comin!
Sara and Angela, you shouldn't feel like you need to back pedal with what you said...it's encouraging and refreshing to hear your perspectives! Of course no body is perfect and no family is perfect...we are all far from it, but I think at the end of each day one thing we can all say is that our homes are filled with so much love and laughter. However our day leads us there, whether it is with bruises, tantrums and tears, or joy, giggles and hugs, I KNOW all of our days end with a house full of love.
Angela, I have to say that I really liked your perspective about some days just being able to be around them for 5 minutes makes us that much more patient. It makes me look at it in a different light...no, maybe I'm not as patient as I'd hoped, but given what I'm up against daily, I guess I am a pretty patient person! Anna tests me every hour of every day, and for the most part I keep me cool (on the outside...usually screaming on the inside).
I do love the person I've become as a mother and I try to embrace it every day. Anna makes me be a sillier person than I probably would be normally. We roll around on the ground wrestling, and I find myself doing small and insignificant things just to hear that laugh that I am crazy about. I will do anything 20 times over to hear my girl laugh like that!
I applaud both of you for being the wonderful mothers that you are. And thank you for helping me see another perspective. I know it must not be getting me too down because I'm still super excited for the day when Anna gets to be a big sister...even with the horror stories of transitioning from 1 to 2 kids! :)
Jenny you mentioned you can't wait for Anna to be a big sister...is there something that you'd like to tell us. :):):)
Angela, unfortunately not at this point...hopefully soon though. :)
Lianna says parenthood has made me sillier. I think it's because I've lost most of my braincells and I operate on those left from childhood.
I think my faith is stronger having witnessed a miracle. (Every woman who has grown a human being and given birth - and every man who's watched it happen - knows it's nothing less than a miracle!) I feel like in general marriage and parenthood have made me more settled and content!
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