Zucchini School Drop out

You may remember (or if you don't, take a peek at this link http://www.sarassmile.net/2009/05/mary-mary-quite-contrary-how-does-your.html ) that we planted ourselves a garden this year. I envisioned salsa made fresh from my garden, sweet peas and carrots for lunch, and so many green beans I would be forced to can, freeze, give away, and squander their bounty.

Some of this is true. The peas, tomatoes, cucumbers, carrots, and jalapeno peppers get an "A" for exceptional growth and good listening skills. The beans, while late bloomers, should render me almost what I was hoping for. The bell peppers are a total flop. But the zucchini plants...

I don't know what's wrong with them. By that I mean I go out, am disappointed in their results, and walk away. I haven't consulted anyone or any resource as to why they are flopping. I'm a new gardener, remember? And a lazy one too.

The plant itself is barely pulling a "C" grade. It's small for a squash plant but looks healthy. The problem is in food production. I get beautiful flowers and about half the time that's all they do. Flower and no zucchini. Is this a pollination problem? Do they all do this? Who knows?

The real problem occurs when zucchini do start to grow. They look great, grow about four inches, turn yellow, shrivel, and fall off the plant. At this point their only use is for Dane to carry them around, alternatively poking and flinging them. We have had two reach an eatable size but the rest die long before then. What's the deal? Right now I have five little baby ones on there and I get so excited and the kids get so excited and I think about getting to give a zucchini to the new neighbors and two days later they are lying on the ground, ready to be used as Danish weapons. Does anyone out there have a suggestion for the "F" zucchinis??



New blog related stuff: I hired a gal to do a bunch of fancy stuff to my blog. I can't wait! I don't know how long it will take but everything I've seen of hers is great so I'm excited.

Also, I have a new domain name. It's www.sarassmile.net. (Please note the two "s" in the middle of the name.) It won't be up for 2-3 days and my old domain address will link to the new one so you can still use www.gregsarajones.blogspot.com.

I need a new camera. I am missing mine and need pictures for this blog. I'm trying to decide between a point and shoot or a fancier SLR. Any thoughts?

Motherhood calls.

Obviously

Nathan is three. He does it well. Here is a common, logical exchange that happened between us this morning.

"MOOOMMMYYY!!!!" (Unprovoked crying.) "Bu didle wab mu fy!!!!"

"What?"

Sobbing. "You didn't watch me fly!"

"I didn't know you wanted me to watch you fly. Go ahead, show me." (When your child spends hours of everyday as Spiderman, one gets used to watching him show off his flying skills.)

"NONONONONONONONO!!!!! Don't talk!!!!! Just watch me fly!!!!"

"Fine, okay."

"Don't talk!"

Silence.

"MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!! WWWAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

"NATHAN! What do you want?!? You said you didn't want me to talk so I'm not talking. Just show me how you fly!"

"STOP TALKING!"

"Nathan Paul. That. Is. Enough. You may not speak to me that way. I will stand here for five more seconds. If you do not stop throwing a fit and show me how you fly I am walking away."

Gulping sobs. "Oh tay. Just don't say anything."

He is now standing on the couch. He jumps. "To infinity, and beyond!" Beaming. "Mommy, how was that?"

"Nathan, that was very good, thank you."

"Remember, don't talk."

Will blog for money?

I wish I was announcing that I was changing my blog up to support a charity or promote a new amusement park at MJ's Neverland ranch. In truth, I'm hoping to switch things up a bit and make some cash. You know, for groceries and Starbucks.

This idea is egotistical. At its heart it presumes that I will be so wildly witty, charming, and inspirational that perfect strangers will want to read about what I do. Which is cook and change diapers and play at the park. Once my cooking, diaper changing, playing at the park readership grows into the hundreds of thousands, advertisers will beg me to accept their millions and allow them to advertise on my blog. I will accept, I will continue to write, and I will be filthy rich. Badda bing, badda boom. It's so easy I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner.

This blog will be under construction for a while but one of the first changes I'm going to make is to blog more. You know, so the above said readership has lots of opportunities to be fascinated by me. The appearance is going to change but hopefully the tone and posts will stay the same. I'm looking to just be me, maybe a slightly funnier version of me, and be faithful to my family and my values.

SO, come back, come often, make me a link on your blog, and watch for the cool changes to come.

Public

After some discussion on a car trip home from Yakima, I have decided to make this blog public. As I switch things around I am going to disable my archives until I can get some of the old content off of the site.  Please feel free to spread the word and visit me often!  I am hoping to start taking this blog in a whole new direction!  Stay tuned....

Not my kids!

Inspired by one of my favorite mommy blogs (www.mycharmingkids.net), I am giving you a tongue in cheek post about activities my kiddos would NEVER do. You know, never. Because they are perfect and so am I.

This little boy would NEVER be so addicted to his binky (what he calls his "num nums") that he would insist on falling asleep not only with one in his mouth but with one clenched tightly in each fist.
This little boy would NEVER yell down to me that he needs wiped after pottying, only for me to find him sitting, bare butt, on my bathroom counter.
This little girl would NEVER tell you that she doesn't like to hug people face to face because "everybody's breath stinks."
This little boy would NEVER, as soon as seeing his siblings quietly engaged in a fun activity, run to them and throw himself, limp bodied, across them and their project until they squeal in frustration.
This little boy would NEVER spend a full 45 minutes tantruming at his sister's gymnastics class because his mom insisted he pick up a toy he threw across the room. (If this had happened, his mom would have courteously taken him outside while he screamed and she would indeed have won that battle!)
This nearly five year old would NEVER have wailed from her bedroom, after discovering that her favorite dress was in the wash, "MOMMY, I just don't have any clothes to wear!"


(Don't you like how I was tricky and snuck in a few more beach pictures too? What did I say, not only are we a perfect family, but clever as well.)

Only for the brave of heart

This blog post is for the following people:

1. Those who have kids or who really dig a good art project.

2. Those who can look a mess in the eye and say, "HAHA, I love a huge mess!"

3. Those who have a good outdoor place to get messy and clothes they care nothing about. I'm serious about doing this outside. It made clean up 100% easier and you aren't freaked out about food coloring permanently damaging things in your home.

If you are one of these people, this art project is for you. It's one of the best ones I've ever done with the kids and we all had a blast.

(Remember that my camera is broken? This post would be way cooler with pictures but alas, your imagination will have to do the work.)

Supplies
A can of old fashion shaving cream (not the gel)
Multiple colors of food coloring
Toothpicks
A cookie sheet or pan with sides
Sturdy paper, like card stock
A LOT OF PAPER TOWELS

1. Fill the pan with a layer of shaving cream. I used a spatula to even it out.

2. Allow the kids to put many drops of food coloring all over the shaving cream. (Note: More isn't always better. I thought the projects turned out better with fewer, more artistically places drops but since it was the kids' project the drops went where ever they darn well pleased. Control your inner control freak and let them dump the whole bottle on if they want.)

3. Swirl the drops of food coloring around. We used toothpicks and forks to do this and make pretty designs out of the color.

4. Place a sheet of card stock on top of the shaving cream, making sure the paper is pretty well covered. Remove and use a paper towel to wipe all the excess shaving cream off.

5. TADA! You have the coolest tie dyed looking paper to play with. They are cool in a cool way too, not just in a kid's project kind of way. We turned ours into cards but you can do whatever you want with them. The colors are vibrant, the paper isn't damp, and playing with shaving cream and food coloring is as good as it gets.

You really should try this. I know you're thinking WHAT A MESS but it was so worth it. Really. Trust me on this.

p.p. s. Dane made it through this entire project without eating any shaving cream. That alone is a major success. His hands are permanently red but it was a small price to pay for a lot of fun.

p.p.p.s. I got this craft from the magazine Family Fun. In case anyone is prowling my blog for copy right infringement.

Conquering Mt. Seaside photos

A back story. My camera is dead. Between a watery mishap and sand permanently stuck in the lens, it will no longer do anything. Therefore, my mom took nearly all the pictures from Seaside. (She took almost 700 photos, no joke.) She then graciously passed about 200 of them onto me and my sibs. Which I then had to transfer to my I-Photo program. And then decide which ones were blog worthy. This has been no small task and I've literally been dreading it. How many cute pictures of Aubrey in hats should I include? Dane rolling around in the sand? Nathan exploring Ecola Beach? The boys? The sisters? The parents? Kissing couples? Charming nieces? Good grief. Finally I decided you get what you get and you don't throw a fit! So, if there aren't enough pictures here, or way too many, tough. You get what you get and you don't throw a fit! (Thanks to Shone for that magnificent phrase by the way.)

p.s. You're lucky, or unlucky, however you look at it. Blogger was super fast tonight and I uploaded one million photos. Cheers!

Aubrey, claiming Ecola beach for herself.
Me and my man
Is that Wayne or Joe Montana? (Beach football/frisbee were constant happenings with the boys.)
One of MANY carousel rides.
Nathan, wet and ready to hurl his frisbee at the least suspecting person.
Happy 1st Anniversary Matt and Lianna!
I know she's mine but she is so darn cute!
Jammin'! (Greg should have been in this picture, he played music with the guys nearly every night.)
Beach football getting physical

Brett and Dane, digging a whole to China
A sort of family photo of all of us at Ecola beach. (Ecola beach was AWESOME!)
Claire, also a budding musician.
Yep, I hitched a ride too.

Niece Claire and her first sand experience.
Nathan getting Uncle Matt loving after being taken down by a wave.
Brett, Hannah, and Lianna, the crazies who went ALL THE WAY into that icy water.
Hannah and Brett being cute and cozy
Dane loved the sand. He would crawl just so he didn't have to take his hands out of it.
Greg and his babies
More crazy fools getting wet. (p.s. Let's not talk about KayLynn's post baby body. Brat.)
She is our water baby. It was never too windy or cold or rainy for her to love the beach.
Nathan with the sea anenomes at Ecola beach.
Dane loved to poke the anenomes and watch them shrivel up. One may have died as the result of his delighted poking.
Aubrey and her water
All the men: Brett, Greg, Wayne (aka Dad aka Grandpa), David, and Matt
The sisters having a jolly good time.
My awesome parents
The lovely Brandon family, taking off since Claire had rendered all of her clothing a wet, sandy mess.

I left out so many really cute pictures but suffice to say that we had an amazing time.

Back to life, back to reality

We are home. Seaside was fantastic. Pictures to come. Thanks to washing machine, very little laundry to do at home. Food in fridge. Church tonight. Reality comes back quickly doesn't it? I have to say though, being completely out of touch for a week is a marvelous thing. So is family. But I seem to have mentioned that before.

Stay tuned, much more Seaside fun to come!

A philosophical discussion

If you sneak one of the chocolate bars you packed for s'mores on your vacation but nobody else sees you do it, did you actually eat it?

If, after grossly over packing for the camping trip, you reign yourself WAY IN because you know your upcoming destination has a washer and dryer, what is the likelihood that the washer and dryer will break?

How come, even though I do my darndest to be tough and nonchalant about spiders, my daughter screamed and cried when a daddy long leg mistook her hand for a chair? (I would have screamed and cried myself but that's beside the point.)

What are the chances that our new five year old neighbor kid is going to break his neck on our property because he parents are NEVER WATCHING HIM???

What if you sneak a second chocolate bar and still no one sees you? What then??!

Enjoy the 4th of July break and send me sunny thought as we hit the road!

A lil' of this, a lil' of that

Missed me, didn't you? You didn't realize what it was like to have to go so long between blog posts, huh? Tough, I have to wait a LONG time on some of you so this was a taste of your own medicine. Summer vacations make lazy bloggers.

We returned from the annual Stephenson Family (Greg's mom's side of the family) camp out. It was three days of perfect weather, terribly delicious eating, and great family. Greg really has a wonderful family. They are reverent and irreverent, pop drinking and whiskey drinking, hilarious and unintentionally hilarious, hard working family people. I love them. There are millions of children, most of them blond boys under 3 1/2 feet tall and there is never a quiet, tranquil moment. Just right for a not quiet, not tranquil family.

All of this fun was preceded by Greg's sister Julie and her son Jonny spending the week in Spokane. It was great hanging out and doing normal things with them. We hung out for a day, had lunch, Julie went to lunch with Greg, she came to Aubrey's gymnastics and Nathan's t-ball, and we all got some much needed Jonny time. She is hoping, as are we, to make it an annual event.

We got home just in time to wash every shred of clothing we own and repack for the Montgomery Family vacation to Seaside. We'll be gone for 9 days so once again you will have to live without my blog. I'm sure I'll have a picture or story to share when we get home. Now, for some pictures of the festivities.


All this way to go camping and all we want to do is play in Dane's playpen.
Mom, I'm busy playing, no time for pictures.
The big boys took all the water guns. I will just have to stand here and look cute.
My new favorite looks is this boy in a baseball hat. His curls rock my world.
That man sure knows how to shake those hips!
This mud puddle rocks!
Aubrey and Nora, being the cutest of friends.
Julie and Jonny. Jonny feasting on Julie's glasses.
My favorite part of the water is throwing the rocks. Catch Mom!
She takes after her daddy.
Greg introduced the fam to speed chess and it was a hit.

And now, a parting story. As you know, I do love a good story.

Once upon a time Greg was put in charge of watching his three darling offspring. His lovely wife was busy preparing food for the Saturday night potluck that was about to commence. Sara, the innocent preparer of food, was not only bringing a salad, but also a batch of her world famous "Bad News Brownies" that are an annual tradition and much requested treat. As she busied herself with her culinary chores, Greg "watched" the children by allowing them to roam free in the van while he read a guitar magazine. Suddenly, Greg emitted a gasp and an, "OH NO DANE!" while Sara wheeled about in anticipation of blood. Worse. CHOCOLATE. EVERYWHERE. Dane, grinning like a wild man, had feasted upon the brownies in a spree of sinful indulgence. The brownies, now a smashed mess, were no longer presentable. Nathan peered around the seat, all innocence, as a smear of chocolate on his face and hands told the real story. Sara did what any normal mother would do. She took pictures and managed to polish off all the brownie remains with Greg the following morning.



The story had an auspicious start but a very happy ending.

Happy week to you!